About a week ago, I posted Arouna's 2 month home update. I got some comments back about how well Arouna was doing and how much he's changed. But I didn't get any comments about the end of the blog post about how much of a transition this has been for Mom. Then when I looked back over the post, I must not have saved that part, because it wasn't there. So I'll include that here.
Arouna is doing well and has changed in many ways, as I wrote about. But in all honesty, not everything is rainbows and roses and so I don't want to paint that picture. Adoption is difficult whether the child has special needs or is completely healthy. It is not the way that God intended children to start their life. He didn't intend for a parent/or parents to abandon, give up, throw away or abuse their children. But as we all know, life is totally unfair, humans are very selfish, and so adoption has been created to make up for our humanness and selfishness.
My son is no exception to the unfairness of life. He was left to die in an abandoned house for 3 days after his birth, which could have resulted in his brain injury. Whether it did or didn't, he along with many other children have to be raised outside his birth country and culture, in a temperature that he is not used to, by people that are unknown to him. And all of that brings transitions and adjustments. Not only for him but for the whole family.
And I'm no exception to having to adjust to this new "normal". After 2 months time, the honeymoon phase has worn off and there are days that are just difficult to get thru. And I know what you're all thinking.....But Sharon, you are the one who chose this. You are the one who wanted this and pushed for this. Didn't you realize there would be days that are difficult and hard? Well yes, I knew this would be no picnic everyday. It would be hard in many ways. I figured it would be hard physically with the total care of a child for years to come. But I don't think I realized the emotional difficulty that would come with adoption. The endless worrying of what else could I be doing to help him. The pain of seeing him experience a seizure and not be able to stop it. The pain of hearing him cry and not know why and wonder if he'll ever be able to tell me. The pain of wondering if he even really realizes I'm Mom.
And those are just a few of the emotional struggles that come with my new life. There is also nights of not much sleep, running thru the grocery store or Wal-mart to accomplish my shopping list before he starts screaming, not being able to exercise certain days because of putting his needs first, etc. My new "normal" is going to take some time to get used to. Maybe months, possibly a full year.
And with all this adjustment, transition and struggle.....I really would NOT change a thing. I don't want to look back. I only want to go forward and look forward to the future. It may be a little bit more challenging future or a lot more challenging some days, but one that is worth every struggle and hard moment. And sometimes, the thing that gets me thru hard days is the fact that we have a hope that is so much greater than life on this earth. A life with no more seizures, no more brain injury, and a body that works perfectly well. With that assurance, we can make it thru the good and the bad days.
Monday, 8 December 2014
Monday, 1 December 2014
2 months home
This post comes a few days later than the actual 2 month home date, but it's a holiday week here in the states and I've been a bit lazy. Or as lazy as you can be while still caring for a 2 year old special needs kiddo. It's hard to believe that 2 months have already passed by. We thought that by this time, we(Arouna and I) would be back in Quebec with the rest of the family, but for reasons nobody can quite understand, we aren't. It is beginning to look as though we will not be returning to Quebec until next June. Robert and the rest of the family will arrive in Arkansas around the 20th of December for Christmas and then Robert, Maleah, Arouna and I will be living in Hot Springs, Arkansas, from January to June. During that time, we will occupy a fully furnished house that Hot Springs Baptist Church is allowing us to live in.
Now back to the whole purpose for this post....which is to give a bit of an update on Arouna and where he seems to be now compared to when he came home.
Physically: He has gained 3lbs and 2 inches in height since coming home. He now has chubby cheeks and his little arms and legs don't resemble a child from a World Vision commercial.
Socially: He gets excited and gets a big smile on his face now when we come in to get him from his bed in the morning. He enjoys being held and prefers it now. He loves to be rocked and sung to now before his nap and bedtime. Many times he will fall asleep while we're singing to him but if he doesn't, he will sit still and listen until we stop. It's the only time of the day that he is still.
Strength: He's gained a lot of strength in his legs. Although he could already support his weight on his legs, now he can stand for much longer with all his weight on his legs. He has no balance yet, but he has the strength to walk. His arms are much stronger and he can push his chest off the floor for longer periods of time.
Playing: Although he still doesn't reach much for toys or try to play with them, he is definitely more aware of them. He does focus for longer periods of time on objects. There are a few times he has reached for things, but doesn't know what to do when he does. He is also more aware of the world around him. Before, he was mostly in his own little world, but now he notices things more and focuses more. He also knows now when we are playing with him and responds with giggles and laughs.
Eating: He is eating a wide variety of things. Fruits, vegetables, some meat, a little dairy. He seems to love most foods, but still has to have most things pureed. He will chew very soft things like peaches or banana bread, but most things, he will just swallow without chewing. We have to completely feed him but a few times we have caught him trying to grab the spoon when we bring it to his mouth.
Vocally: He is vocalizing quite a bit, at times positively and at times negatively. Sometimes I can really tell that he is trying so hard to tell me something, but it is only syllables and babble. He is really quite loud at times.
Bathing and dressing: He loves his bathtime and he has one every night. As soon as we start taking off his socks, he knows that bathtime is coming and he gets all excited and a huge smile on his face. When putting him in the water, he laughs and giggles for the first 2 minutes or so. He loves to lay back in his tub and has no fear of putting his face completely under the water. Of course, it surprises the heck out of him and he comes up with big eyes and a bit of a sputter. But opposite of bathtime, he hates getting dressed and changing his diaper. And he knows as soon as we start toward the bedroom, that we are going to be changing his diaper. He starts crying before we get there.
Medically: From an MRI, he has been diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy due to lack of oxygen or blood supply at birth or soon after. At the present time, he has myoclonic seizures that we are trying to get rid of with medication. His ears have been checked and his outer, middle and inner ears are hearing normally and there is no damage from the nerve of the ear to the brain. Visually, it is hard to tell how well he sees but there doesn't seem to be any damage to the eyes.
All in all: He is a very sweet, content little boy who seems to be coming out of a shell of some sort. It was almost as if he was in a trance when we picked him up and now he is totally ready to explore the world. He is active and there is always something on his body that is moving when he is awake.
Now back to the whole purpose for this post....which is to give a bit of an update on Arouna and where he seems to be now compared to when he came home.
Physically: He has gained 3lbs and 2 inches in height since coming home. He now has chubby cheeks and his little arms and legs don't resemble a child from a World Vision commercial.
Socially: He gets excited and gets a big smile on his face now when we come in to get him from his bed in the morning. He enjoys being held and prefers it now. He loves to be rocked and sung to now before his nap and bedtime. Many times he will fall asleep while we're singing to him but if he doesn't, he will sit still and listen until we stop. It's the only time of the day that he is still.
Strength: He's gained a lot of strength in his legs. Although he could already support his weight on his legs, now he can stand for much longer with all his weight on his legs. He has no balance yet, but he has the strength to walk. His arms are much stronger and he can push his chest off the floor for longer periods of time.
Playing: Although he still doesn't reach much for toys or try to play with them, he is definitely more aware of them. He does focus for longer periods of time on objects. There are a few times he has reached for things, but doesn't know what to do when he does. He is also more aware of the world around him. Before, he was mostly in his own little world, but now he notices things more and focuses more. He also knows now when we are playing with him and responds with giggles and laughs.
Eating: He is eating a wide variety of things. Fruits, vegetables, some meat, a little dairy. He seems to love most foods, but still has to have most things pureed. He will chew very soft things like peaches or banana bread, but most things, he will just swallow without chewing. We have to completely feed him but a few times we have caught him trying to grab the spoon when we bring it to his mouth.
Vocally: He is vocalizing quite a bit, at times positively and at times negatively. Sometimes I can really tell that he is trying so hard to tell me something, but it is only syllables and babble. He is really quite loud at times.
Bathing and dressing: He loves his bathtime and he has one every night. As soon as we start taking off his socks, he knows that bathtime is coming and he gets all excited and a huge smile on his face. When putting him in the water, he laughs and giggles for the first 2 minutes or so. He loves to lay back in his tub and has no fear of putting his face completely under the water. Of course, it surprises the heck out of him and he comes up with big eyes and a bit of a sputter. But opposite of bathtime, he hates getting dressed and changing his diaper. And he knows as soon as we start toward the bedroom, that we are going to be changing his diaper. He starts crying before we get there.
Medically: From an MRI, he has been diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy due to lack of oxygen or blood supply at birth or soon after. At the present time, he has myoclonic seizures that we are trying to get rid of with medication. His ears have been checked and his outer, middle and inner ears are hearing normally and there is no damage from the nerve of the ear to the brain. Visually, it is hard to tell how well he sees but there doesn't seem to be any damage to the eyes.
All in all: He is a very sweet, content little boy who seems to be coming out of a shell of some sort. It was almost as if he was in a trance when we picked him up and now he is totally ready to explore the world. He is active and there is always something on his body that is moving when he is awake.
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| 2 months home |
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| Before coming home |
Saturday, 8 November 2014
So many flavors....So little time
This morning as I was feeding breakfast to Arouna, the tv was on and there was an announcement about a flag football team. I really didn't hear anything more than it being mentioned but it reminded me of my college days. My freshman year, I played on a flag football team and the name of the team was the Ice Cream Cones. I had never played before but I was a running back and receiver on the team and we took it pretty seriously. And for the record, we won the league that year. Anyway, back to the point....we had shirts from Baskin Robbins that said "So many flavors......So little time" and it showed pictures of all the different flavors of ice cream.
Later on today, I read a blog from another adoptive Mom and she talked about how the hardest part of adoption is leaving other children behind. Not being able to adopt more. And it reminded me of my flag football t-shirt but instead of ice cream flavors, it should read "So many orphans.....So little time".
My heart breaks for all the ones we left behind. For almost 2 months now, Arouna has had a Mommy to pick him up when he's upset, to check on him in the middle of the night when he wakes up crying, to hold him while he's having a seizure, to kiss his head when he falls over and hits it on the hard floor, to rock him to sleep and tell him that he's loved. And he has a Daddy, sisters and a brother and Grandparents that love and adore him. But there are around 143 million orphans in the world today that don't have that and many of them never will. And if they are special needs, as Arouna is, their plight is much more serious. In certain countries, at the age of 4-5, they will be transferred out of a baby house or orphanage, to live out their days in a mental institution confined to a crib if they are immobile. And the statistics are that over 90% of these children transferred die within the first year in the institutions. They suffer abuse, neglect and starvation. We won't even let our dogs experience that kind of life, yet orphans around the world go thru this daily. Maybe you think I'm just exaggerating things to get people to listen....but NO. I've seen the pictures, I've talked to the adoptive Moms who've been to the orphanages. It's happening and though we may not see it up close, we are responsible. I am responsible. I'm responsible for doing all I can to advocate for these children. And though the orphanages I've visited in Haiti and Burkina Faso are good orphanages, these children still need families and Moms and Dads who love them and help them reach their potential in life.
Is it easy? No! Is it expensive? Yes! Is it tiring? Yes! Is it frustrating at times? Yes! Is it a long process with many ups and down? Yes! Is it a sacrifice? Yes! BUT is it worth it? OH YES! There is a joy and peace that I believe God has given even when the days are tough. And we are not superhuman by any means. We have just offered ourselves to be available to love a child and raise him the best that we can. We'll make plenty of mistakes as we did and are still doing with our biological children, but he will be loved.
So maybe some of you have considered adoption but have gone thru all the reasons why you can't. I've been there too. I've even been there after bringing Arouna home. As parents, we will never feel completely adequate or prepared or good enough. But there are orphans in all countries, even our own, that need us to step up and be responsible. I pray that one day we will be able to adopt again because I can't get a certain t-shirt out of my mind with the faces of the orphans I love pictured on it. So many orphans......So little time!
Later on today, I read a blog from another adoptive Mom and she talked about how the hardest part of adoption is leaving other children behind. Not being able to adopt more. And it reminded me of my flag football t-shirt but instead of ice cream flavors, it should read "So many orphans.....So little time".
My heart breaks for all the ones we left behind. For almost 2 months now, Arouna has had a Mommy to pick him up when he's upset, to check on him in the middle of the night when he wakes up crying, to hold him while he's having a seizure, to kiss his head when he falls over and hits it on the hard floor, to rock him to sleep and tell him that he's loved. And he has a Daddy, sisters and a brother and Grandparents that love and adore him. But there are around 143 million orphans in the world today that don't have that and many of them never will. And if they are special needs, as Arouna is, their plight is much more serious. In certain countries, at the age of 4-5, they will be transferred out of a baby house or orphanage, to live out their days in a mental institution confined to a crib if they are immobile. And the statistics are that over 90% of these children transferred die within the first year in the institutions. They suffer abuse, neglect and starvation. We won't even let our dogs experience that kind of life, yet orphans around the world go thru this daily. Maybe you think I'm just exaggerating things to get people to listen....but NO. I've seen the pictures, I've talked to the adoptive Moms who've been to the orphanages. It's happening and though we may not see it up close, we are responsible. I am responsible. I'm responsible for doing all I can to advocate for these children. And though the orphanages I've visited in Haiti and Burkina Faso are good orphanages, these children still need families and Moms and Dads who love them and help them reach their potential in life.
Is it easy? No! Is it expensive? Yes! Is it tiring? Yes! Is it frustrating at times? Yes! Is it a long process with many ups and down? Yes! Is it a sacrifice? Yes! BUT is it worth it? OH YES! There is a joy and peace that I believe God has given even when the days are tough. And we are not superhuman by any means. We have just offered ourselves to be available to love a child and raise him the best that we can. We'll make plenty of mistakes as we did and are still doing with our biological children, but he will be loved.
So maybe some of you have considered adoption but have gone thru all the reasons why you can't. I've been there too. I've even been there after bringing Arouna home. As parents, we will never feel completely adequate or prepared or good enough. But there are orphans in all countries, even our own, that need us to step up and be responsible. I pray that one day we will be able to adopt again because I can't get a certain t-shirt out of my mind with the faces of the orphans I love pictured on it. So many orphans......So little time!
Tuesday, 28 October 2014
Hard physically, mentally and emotionally
October 26, 2014
The last 2 days have been hard, physically, mentally and emotionally. I miss family and home tremendously and the fact that Arouna has been a bit fussier the last 2 days has made it seem even worse. Don't get me wrong....I have really enjoyed my time here with my parents. They have been so helpful everyday and take care of Arouna anytime that I need to do something. But I think it's the fact that all the stress of his medical appointments and his daily care is on me in the end. The last few days I think Satan is trying to get inside my head and discourage me with thoughts that maybe I don't have what it takes to care for Arouna. Maybe I'm not the best for him. Maybe he would have been better off to stay in the orphanage, in a warm climate, in a simple environment that is not so loud and busy. Maybe what we did was a mistake for him and for us. I know these things aren't true, but when he's crying and I can't figure out why, these thoughts will at times go thru my head. I don't know.... maybe I just need another good nights' sleep and things will seem brighter in the morning.
The sermon at church today was exactly what I needed. It was from Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future". I believe that verse for my family and also for Arouna. He led us to this, provided the funds for it and worked out every detail along the way. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I really don't believe that God calls us to easy. It wasn't easy for Paul or even for Jesus, for that matter. So I need to rely on God in the times when my strength is gone and when I feel weak. Because when I am weak, He is strong.
Good news is that Robert and Maleah are coming to visit here on November 1-6 before they go to Alberta for the annual IMB retreat. I was supposed to be going too with Arouna, but unless a small miracle happens, we won't be able to go. But them coming to see me is a tremendous treat. I can't wait to see them both. It will be 8 weeks since I've seen Maleah and 5 weeks since I've seen Robert. I've never been apart from my family so long. Haley is not able to come because of school.
The last 2 days have been hard, physically, mentally and emotionally. I miss family and home tremendously and the fact that Arouna has been a bit fussier the last 2 days has made it seem even worse. Don't get me wrong....I have really enjoyed my time here with my parents. They have been so helpful everyday and take care of Arouna anytime that I need to do something. But I think it's the fact that all the stress of his medical appointments and his daily care is on me in the end. The last few days I think Satan is trying to get inside my head and discourage me with thoughts that maybe I don't have what it takes to care for Arouna. Maybe I'm not the best for him. Maybe he would have been better off to stay in the orphanage, in a warm climate, in a simple environment that is not so loud and busy. Maybe what we did was a mistake for him and for us. I know these things aren't true, but when he's crying and I can't figure out why, these thoughts will at times go thru my head. I don't know.... maybe I just need another good nights' sleep and things will seem brighter in the morning.
The sermon at church today was exactly what I needed. It was from Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future". I believe that verse for my family and also for Arouna. He led us to this, provided the funds for it and worked out every detail along the way. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I really don't believe that God calls us to easy. It wasn't easy for Paul or even for Jesus, for that matter. So I need to rely on God in the times when my strength is gone and when I feel weak. Because when I am weak, He is strong.
Good news is that Robert and Maleah are coming to visit here on November 1-6 before they go to Alberta for the annual IMB retreat. I was supposed to be going too with Arouna, but unless a small miracle happens, we won't be able to go. But them coming to see me is a tremendous treat. I can't wait to see them both. It will be 8 weeks since I've seen Maleah and 5 weeks since I've seen Robert. I've never been apart from my family so long. Haley is not able to come because of school.
So blessed!
Wednesday, Oct. 22
As of yesterday, it's been 6 weeks since I left home and traveled to Burkina. It's a long time to be away from home and a long time for me to be away from Robert, Maleah and Haley. Of course, Haley is ok I'm sure, but it's a bit harder for Maleah. It's beginning to seem to her that it's going on forever. Plus the fact that we are moving at Christmas back to Arkansas for 6 months only makes the time apart harder for her.
I would ask you to pray for us that we get back together soon. We've tried every way in the world to check on the status of Arouna's citizenship, but all they can tell us is that they are behind but the
paperwork has been received. As much as I dread taking Arouna to cold, cold weather, it's important that we are all back together again (well, at least the 5 of us that can be together).
We did receive some really good news today that all of our medical tests, procedures, exams, evaluations and prescriptions for Arouna are covered at 100%. Praise God! When we made the decision to adopt special needs, we knew that our insurance was good, but didn't know if we would have 100% coverage. We assumed that some things would be at 80%. We were beginning to get a bit stressed about it because Arouna has had over 10 appointments, procedures and evaluations over the last 4 weeks. And many of them are quite expensive, like an MRI and EEG, plus appointments with a neurologist. So we were praying that God would provide what we needed to care for him once we got him home. And He has. Again, we are so blessed.
As of yesterday, it's been 6 weeks since I left home and traveled to Burkina. It's a long time to be away from home and a long time for me to be away from Robert, Maleah and Haley. Of course, Haley is ok I'm sure, but it's a bit harder for Maleah. It's beginning to seem to her that it's going on forever. Plus the fact that we are moving at Christmas back to Arkansas for 6 months only makes the time apart harder for her.
I would ask you to pray for us that we get back together soon. We've tried every way in the world to check on the status of Arouna's citizenship, but all they can tell us is that they are behind but the
paperwork has been received. As much as I dread taking Arouna to cold, cold weather, it's important that we are all back together again (well, at least the 5 of us that can be together).
We did receive some really good news today that all of our medical tests, procedures, exams, evaluations and prescriptions for Arouna are covered at 100%. Praise God! When we made the decision to adopt special needs, we knew that our insurance was good, but didn't know if we would have 100% coverage. We assumed that some things would be at 80%. We were beginning to get a bit stressed about it because Arouna has had over 10 appointments, procedures and evaluations over the last 4 weeks. And many of them are quite expensive, like an MRI and EEG, plus appointments with a neurologist. So we were praying that God would provide what we needed to care for him once we got him home. And He has. Again, we are so blessed.
Almost done
Tuesday, Oct. 21
We headed back to Childrens Hospital again for 2 appointments today. At 9am, he had a physical therapy evaluation and at 10am, we had an appointment with the neurologist that would explain the EEG that he had on Friday. We had to wake Arouna up at 6:45 to feed him and then get him in the car for the hour and 15 minute drive to the hospital. It was early for him, but he didn't complain about it.
He saw a physical therapist and intern and she evaluated did an evaluation on where he is mostly in motor skills like walking, sitting, crawling, etc. They explained to me that physical therapy is more lower body skills and occupational therapy is more upper body skills and skills of taking care of yourself. He has had both of these evaluations but we haven't received the results yet on them. He also had a speech evaluation which he was placed between a 1 to 4 month old for speech.
At 10am, we went to the neurology appointment and met with a very good neurologist who explained his MRI very thoroughly and explained the EEG very thoroughly. The EEG showed that he is having myoclonic seizures. These are a type of seizure that usually happen during sleep or early in the mornings, but can happen throughout the day too, but are not as common then. She explained that these type of seizures will not cause damage to the brain, but if not treated, he could have a full blown seizure that could cause more damage to his brain. So the neurologist and our pediatrician feel that he needs to start a medication called Keppra to try and get rid of the seizures that he is having. The medication is not at all dangerous and have few side effects, so we are going to give it a shot.
He only has one more appointment on Friday and unfortunately it is an exam that they have to put him to sleep again. This test will determine if the nerve from the ear to the brain is damaged. So we leave early Friday morning and can't feed him until it's all over. Of course, I'm not looking forward to it, but it will be so good to have it all done.
We headed back to Childrens Hospital again for 2 appointments today. At 9am, he had a physical therapy evaluation and at 10am, we had an appointment with the neurologist that would explain the EEG that he had on Friday. We had to wake Arouna up at 6:45 to feed him and then get him in the car for the hour and 15 minute drive to the hospital. It was early for him, but he didn't complain about it.
He saw a physical therapist and intern and she evaluated did an evaluation on where he is mostly in motor skills like walking, sitting, crawling, etc. They explained to me that physical therapy is more lower body skills and occupational therapy is more upper body skills and skills of taking care of yourself. He has had both of these evaluations but we haven't received the results yet on them. He also had a speech evaluation which he was placed between a 1 to 4 month old for speech.
At 10am, we went to the neurology appointment and met with a very good neurologist who explained his MRI very thoroughly and explained the EEG very thoroughly. The EEG showed that he is having myoclonic seizures. These are a type of seizure that usually happen during sleep or early in the mornings, but can happen throughout the day too, but are not as common then. She explained that these type of seizures will not cause damage to the brain, but if not treated, he could have a full blown seizure that could cause more damage to his brain. So the neurologist and our pediatrician feel that he needs to start a medication called Keppra to try and get rid of the seizures that he is having. The medication is not at all dangerous and have few side effects, so we are going to give it a shot.
He only has one more appointment on Friday and unfortunately it is an exam that they have to put him to sleep again. This test will determine if the nerve from the ear to the brain is damaged. So we leave early Friday morning and can't feed him until it's all over. Of course, I'm not looking forward to it, but it will be so good to have it all done.
EEG's and Ebola scare
Friday, Oct. 17
Today we returned to Childrens Hospital for another procedure. Dr. Baldwin wanted Arouna to have an EEG to check his brain activity. In Burkina, we had first noticed that Arouna was having some type of seizures. He would get a blank look in his eyes, be still for 3-5 seconds and then jerk out of it quite suddenly. We noticed it mostly in the early mornings(breakfast mostly, but sometimes other meals) and then going to sleep. He continued to show signs of this in the states, so she wanted to check to see what they were.
The EEG was scheduled for 12 noon and they wanted him to fall asleep during that time. That is not his normal nap time and sometimes he can go all day without a nap and be fine, so I was worried that he would be wide awake. But after they put about 25 little electrodes on his head and made him really mad, he actually fell asleep during the test as I rocked him. The exam did show seizure activity and we are now scheduled to see a neurologist on Tuesday.
A funny thing happened as we were signing in for the procedure. There was a sign on the hospital walls that said if you had traveled out of the US within the last 30 days, to notify the registration desk. So I did and they had me fill out a questionnaire and I handed it to the nurse in neurology. When they finished his EEG, a male nurse or doctor came into the room and began questioning us about where we had been, when, do we have a certain set of symptoms. He left and we waited and waited. The infectious disease doctor at the hospital had the nurse take our temperatures and then the nurse had to go and talk to the doctor again. They finally let us go, but I'm sure we gave them a big scare. But we were
outside the 21 day period for being contagious or having symptoms, so they didn't get too upset about it.
After the procedure, we came back to Hot Springs Village and waited for my 2 sister-in-laws and neice to come for a visit from Springdale. They wanted to meet Arouna, so they drove down Friday afternoon and stayed through Saturday afternoon. We had a really good time with them. On Saturday morning after breakfast, we went into Hot Springs, stopping along the way at an estate sale. We then went to Garvan Gardens, which is a really nice area with different types of gardens and pathways all thru it. Arouna rode in the stroller while we walked thru it and then we had lunch at the little cafe there. We returned after lunch to my parents house and Bonnie, Debbie and Abby left for north Arkansas.
Today we returned to Childrens Hospital for another procedure. Dr. Baldwin wanted Arouna to have an EEG to check his brain activity. In Burkina, we had first noticed that Arouna was having some type of seizures. He would get a blank look in his eyes, be still for 3-5 seconds and then jerk out of it quite suddenly. We noticed it mostly in the early mornings(breakfast mostly, but sometimes other meals) and then going to sleep. He continued to show signs of this in the states, so she wanted to check to see what they were.
The EEG was scheduled for 12 noon and they wanted him to fall asleep during that time. That is not his normal nap time and sometimes he can go all day without a nap and be fine, so I was worried that he would be wide awake. But after they put about 25 little electrodes on his head and made him really mad, he actually fell asleep during the test as I rocked him. The exam did show seizure activity and we are now scheduled to see a neurologist on Tuesday.
A funny thing happened as we were signing in for the procedure. There was a sign on the hospital walls that said if you had traveled out of the US within the last 30 days, to notify the registration desk. So I did and they had me fill out a questionnaire and I handed it to the nurse in neurology. When they finished his EEG, a male nurse or doctor came into the room and began questioning us about where we had been, when, do we have a certain set of symptoms. He left and we waited and waited. The infectious disease doctor at the hospital had the nurse take our temperatures and then the nurse had to go and talk to the doctor again. They finally let us go, but I'm sure we gave them a big scare. But we were
outside the 21 day period for being contagious or having symptoms, so they didn't get too upset about it.
After the procedure, we came back to Hot Springs Village and waited for my 2 sister-in-laws and neice to come for a visit from Springdale. They wanted to meet Arouna, so they drove down Friday afternoon and stayed through Saturday afternoon. We had a really good time with them. On Saturday morning after breakfast, we went into Hot Springs, stopping along the way at an estate sale. We then went to Garvan Gardens, which is a really nice area with different types of gardens and pathways all thru it. Arouna rode in the stroller while we walked thru it and then we had lunch at the little cafe there. We returned after lunch to my parents house and Bonnie, Debbie and Abby left for north Arkansas.
Exhausting but priceless
Oct. 10, 2014
It's been quite a week. To say I'm tired is an understatement. I don't think it's a physical tired as much as an emotional and mental tiredness from having the weight of all decisions about Arouna on me right now. Not that there's a ton of decisions to make at this point, but the stress of all the tests, procedures, evaluations, etc....are beginning to take a toll.
This week, on Tuesday, we drove the hour and 15 minutes to Childrens Hospital for a Speech evaluation and occupational therapy evaluation. The speech was at 10am and Arouna was exhausted from being awake since 4:15am (I'm not exactly sure why he woke up at that time, but he did). So he didn't really do much at all, so the evaluation was mostly accomplished by me answering questions while I held a sleeping boy. He was assessed at a 1 month level for voice recognition and a 4 month level for vocalizing. The OT evaluation was supposed to be at 11am, but because the Speech evaluation went over time, they made us come back after lunch. Arouna did great during the OT evaluation, other than spitting up and pooping on the therapist. haha So far, we haven't heard what his assessment was. As we were at the hospital on Tuesday, they called to schedule Arouna's MRI appointment for the next day at 8am. We also found out we had an eye appointment at 1:30 the next day. So back to Little Rock again.
On Wednesday, we got Arouna out of bed at 6:30am to put him in the car, hoping he would go back to sleep. He didn't and because they were putting him to sleep, he couldn't have anything to eat or drink until after the MRI. He went without food and they finally put him under at 9:40am. He actually did so well and hardly cried. After 45 minutes, they called us back to recovery as he was waking up. He cried off and on for about 20 minutes and then began to come out of it. We were released and we went to eat lunch. About 40 minutes after waking up, he was back to himself and happy again. He ate lunch and we went back in the afternoon for the eye appointment. Dr. Naylor saw him and looked at his eyes. Unfortunately there is no good way to tell for sure on a child who is nonverbal, but he felt like there was no damage to the eyes and that he was following things some. He wants to see him back in 6 months to check to see if his eyes are still crossing and see if he's following things and if it's better. We weren't finished at ACH until about 3:30, so it was a long day.
On Thursday, we stayed home most of the day except for a trip to the park to swing. There was a little girl at the park that said something cute. She was talking to her friend and said, Look his face is brown and theirs is white. Another little girl asked us where we got him from. Kids say things that adults are too embarrassed to ask or say.
And on Friday, we went into Hot Springs for a few errands. We also went to First Step, which is a school for children with disabilities. I have an appointment to take a tour of it next week to see if Arouna could go there when we are stateside.
Although the week has been long, it's been good. I'm missing my family, home and friends more and more. But I know I will never have this chance to spend with my parents again like this. Plus the bonding time with Arouna is priceless!
It's been quite a week. To say I'm tired is an understatement. I don't think it's a physical tired as much as an emotional and mental tiredness from having the weight of all decisions about Arouna on me right now. Not that there's a ton of decisions to make at this point, but the stress of all the tests, procedures, evaluations, etc....are beginning to take a toll.
This week, on Tuesday, we drove the hour and 15 minutes to Childrens Hospital for a Speech evaluation and occupational therapy evaluation. The speech was at 10am and Arouna was exhausted from being awake since 4:15am (I'm not exactly sure why he woke up at that time, but he did). So he didn't really do much at all, so the evaluation was mostly accomplished by me answering questions while I held a sleeping boy. He was assessed at a 1 month level for voice recognition and a 4 month level for vocalizing. The OT evaluation was supposed to be at 11am, but because the Speech evaluation went over time, they made us come back after lunch. Arouna did great during the OT evaluation, other than spitting up and pooping on the therapist. haha So far, we haven't heard what his assessment was. As we were at the hospital on Tuesday, they called to schedule Arouna's MRI appointment for the next day at 8am. We also found out we had an eye appointment at 1:30 the next day. So back to Little Rock again.
On Wednesday, we got Arouna out of bed at 6:30am to put him in the car, hoping he would go back to sleep. He didn't and because they were putting him to sleep, he couldn't have anything to eat or drink until after the MRI. He went without food and they finally put him under at 9:40am. He actually did so well and hardly cried. After 45 minutes, they called us back to recovery as he was waking up. He cried off and on for about 20 minutes and then began to come out of it. We were released and we went to eat lunch. About 40 minutes after waking up, he was back to himself and happy again. He ate lunch and we went back in the afternoon for the eye appointment. Dr. Naylor saw him and looked at his eyes. Unfortunately there is no good way to tell for sure on a child who is nonverbal, but he felt like there was no damage to the eyes and that he was following things some. He wants to see him back in 6 months to check to see if his eyes are still crossing and see if he's following things and if it's better. We weren't finished at ACH until about 3:30, so it was a long day.
On Thursday, we stayed home most of the day except for a trip to the park to swing. There was a little girl at the park that said something cute. She was talking to her friend and said, Look his face is brown and theirs is white. Another little girl asked us where we got him from. Kids say things that adults are too embarrassed to ask or say.
And on Friday, we went into Hot Springs for a few errands. We also went to First Step, which is a school for children with disabilities. I have an appointment to take a tour of it next week to see if Arouna could go there when we are stateside.
Although the week has been long, it's been good. I'm missing my family, home and friends more and more. But I know I will never have this chance to spend with my parents again like this. Plus the bonding time with Arouna is priceless!
Is this my NEW normal?
Oct. 5, 2014
What have I done? That was the question I asked myself last night as I rocked a screaming child for 30 minutes before he calmed down. I awoke at 12:15am to Arouna's cries. Since this is unusual for him, I immediately went to his room. I first checked his diaper which was wet, but that's normal, but I changed it anyway. He continued to scream. I felt his head, he wasn't hot. I talked to him, tried to comfort him, rocked him, bounced him, walked with him. He continued for 30 minutes straight and then finally started to settled down. As I sat and rocked for another 30 minutes, I sat thinking, "Is this my new normal?" How can I do this? And then it hit me again.....I can't. I need God, every day, hour, minute, second. I need him for energy throughout the day, for wisdom in knowing and making decisions about his medical needs, for encouragement when times are tough, for a servant attitude when I want to be selfish, etc. I had just made the comment yesterday that if he sleeps all night, "I" can do this. WRONG!!! Whether he sleeps all night or wakes up 10 times, I can ONLY do this with God.
What have I done? That was the question I asked myself last night as I rocked a screaming child for 30 minutes before he calmed down. I awoke at 12:15am to Arouna's cries. Since this is unusual for him, I immediately went to his room. I first checked his diaper which was wet, but that's normal, but I changed it anyway. He continued to scream. I felt his head, he wasn't hot. I talked to him, tried to comfort him, rocked him, bounced him, walked with him. He continued for 30 minutes straight and then finally started to settled down. As I sat and rocked for another 30 minutes, I sat thinking, "Is this my new normal?" How can I do this? And then it hit me again.....I can't. I need God, every day, hour, minute, second. I need him for energy throughout the day, for wisdom in knowing and making decisions about his medical needs, for encouragement when times are tough, for a servant attitude when I want to be selfish, etc. I had just made the comment yesterday that if he sleeps all night, "I" can do this. WRONG!!! Whether he sleeps all night or wakes up 10 times, I can ONLY do this with God.
Hard to say Goodbye
Tuesday, Sept. 30th
The last few days have been going pretty well. Every day Arouna seems to be adjusting more and more. He seems to be more playful then he first was and he loves the physical touch and holding him.
On Saturday, the ladies of Hot Springs Baptist Church gave Arouna a shower. There were around 25 ladies who came and prayed for us. Aunt Helen and my cousin, Angie, also came from Little Rock, which I was really excited that they came and made the effort to drive just for the shower. Arouna did really well as several ladies held him and he also sat on the floor while they had the program. They had Mom and I sit on the stage in rocking chairs. Mom and Greta opened the presents while I gave Arouna a snack. It was a very encouraging time.
On Sunday, Arouna went to church with us. He started off in the service but he talks so much now that he didn't make it very long. So Robert took him to the nursery and Mom went with him. He sat in a
playpen the whole time and played and talked. After church, Robert and I went to eat together while Mom and Dad and the Pinkstons took Arouna home for lunch and a nap. On Sunday evening, Robert and the Pinkston's left to go to Little Rock to stay in a hotel. Robert flew out early on Monday morning to return to Quebec. :(
It was hard to see Robert leave. I haven't felt that way in a long time time. I guess with the kids being older, I've become pretty confident in taking care of things when Robert is gone. But this time, I felt alone even though my parents are a wonderful help with him. I guess that's why God placed 2 people as parents. We need each other not only physically, but emotionally also. And every day, I've been calling out to God to make his presence known and keep me from getting tired and discouraged. I think here in Arkansas it will be easier than when I return home to Quebec and I'll be responsible to get everything done along with caring for Arouna and Maleah. My prayer is that God will keep me well physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
The last few days have been going pretty well. Every day Arouna seems to be adjusting more and more. He seems to be more playful then he first was and he loves the physical touch and holding him.
On Saturday, the ladies of Hot Springs Baptist Church gave Arouna a shower. There were around 25 ladies who came and prayed for us. Aunt Helen and my cousin, Angie, also came from Little Rock, which I was really excited that they came and made the effort to drive just for the shower. Arouna did really well as several ladies held him and he also sat on the floor while they had the program. They had Mom and I sit on the stage in rocking chairs. Mom and Greta opened the presents while I gave Arouna a snack. It was a very encouraging time.
On Sunday, Arouna went to church with us. He started off in the service but he talks so much now that he didn't make it very long. So Robert took him to the nursery and Mom went with him. He sat in a
playpen the whole time and played and talked. After church, Robert and I went to eat together while Mom and Dad and the Pinkstons took Arouna home for lunch and a nap. On Sunday evening, Robert and the Pinkston's left to go to Little Rock to stay in a hotel. Robert flew out early on Monday morning to return to Quebec. :(
It was hard to see Robert leave. I haven't felt that way in a long time time. I guess with the kids being older, I've become pretty confident in taking care of things when Robert is gone. But this time, I felt alone even though my parents are a wonderful help with him. I guess that's why God placed 2 people as parents. We need each other not only physically, but emotionally also. And every day, I've been calling out to God to make his presence known and keep me from getting tired and discouraged. I think here in Arkansas it will be easier than when I return home to Quebec and I'll be responsible to get everything done along with caring for Arouna and Maleah. My prayer is that God will keep me well physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Some things are overrated
Friday, Sept. 26th
Today was our 1st run with the jogging stroller. Arouna seemed to enjoy it quite a bit and we were able to run for 27 minutes. I don't have a race in mind in the near future, but hopefully I'll be able to increase the length of time in the stroller. Maybe by next October (2015 PEI Marathon), I'll be able to push him thru a full marathon.
Robert's parents came today to meet Arouna and are staying thru Sunday. I also got to skype tonight with Haley for her to meet Arouna. Mia skyped with him on Wednesday and Zach and Lindsey skyped with him on Thursday. So all the family has finally met him. I really look forward though for us all to be together.
I've mostly been writing about what we've been doing, not what I've been feeling. We've been so busy since arriving in the US that I haven't had much time to consider or worry about the future. But here goes: I already can't imagine life without Arouna. Even though he doesn't seem to recognize me or know who I am, he is my son and I love him dearly. When I look at him, I don't see a little boy with disabilities, but a precious human being who has purpose in this world. I am already so proud of him and proud of what he's accomplished so far. And if he stays at this same level for the rest of his life, I'll consider myself blessed to be his Mom. I'm tired and exhausted every night, but with a HUGE peace in my heart that we are doing exactly what we were created for. It won't be an easy road. I no longer eat warm meals, take my time drinking my coffee, read FB for long periods of time, etc..... But honestly, all of those things are overrated. I wouldn't trade this for the world. BTW, please remind me that I just said those words when the days are tough and difficult. :)
Today was our 1st run with the jogging stroller. Arouna seemed to enjoy it quite a bit and we were able to run for 27 minutes. I don't have a race in mind in the near future, but hopefully I'll be able to increase the length of time in the stroller. Maybe by next October (2015 PEI Marathon), I'll be able to push him thru a full marathon.
Robert's parents came today to meet Arouna and are staying thru Sunday. I also got to skype tonight with Haley for her to meet Arouna. Mia skyped with him on Wednesday and Zach and Lindsey skyped with him on Thursday. So all the family has finally met him. I really look forward though for us all to be together.
I've mostly been writing about what we've been doing, not what I've been feeling. We've been so busy since arriving in the US that I haven't had much time to consider or worry about the future. But here goes: I already can't imagine life without Arouna. Even though he doesn't seem to recognize me or know who I am, he is my son and I love him dearly. When I look at him, I don't see a little boy with disabilities, but a precious human being who has purpose in this world. I am already so proud of him and proud of what he's accomplished so far. And if he stays at this same level for the rest of his life, I'll consider myself blessed to be his Mom. I'm tired and exhausted every night, but with a HUGE peace in my heart that we are doing exactly what we were created for. It won't be an easy road. I no longer eat warm meals, take my time drinking my coffee, read FB for long periods of time, etc..... But honestly, all of those things are overrated. I wouldn't trade this for the world. BTW, please remind me that I just said those words when the days are tough and difficult. :)
Encouraging
Thursday, Sept. 25th
Today Arouna had his 1st doctors appointment with a pediatrician from Arkansas Childrens Hospital. Dr. Shelly Baldwin saw him for a general check-up. She has specialized in seeing children that have been adopted internationally and she was excellent. She also is the daughter of Dr. Ron Baldwin, who was Zach and Lindsey's pediatrician when we lived in Magnolia, Arkansas many years ago.
Dr. Baldwin thoroughly checked him and got his full history from birth, at least as much as we knew. She had blood drawn and also checked his stool for parasites. His blood work came back good. And she
was very positive at what he might be able to accomplish in the future. We came away feeling very encouraged.
She is working on getting appointments set up with specialists in Audiology, Opthalmology, Rehab medicine along with wanting him to have an EEG and MRI. So we're waiting to hear about those appointments and praying they will get scheduled before we need to return to Quebec.
We were in Little Rock almost all day until 6pm and overall, Arouna did great. He really enjoys getting out and going places, loves riding in the car, riding in the stroller, etc. And tonight he let me rock him to sleep for the very first time. YAY!!
Today Arouna had his 1st doctors appointment with a pediatrician from Arkansas Childrens Hospital. Dr. Shelly Baldwin saw him for a general check-up. She has specialized in seeing children that have been adopted internationally and she was excellent. She also is the daughter of Dr. Ron Baldwin, who was Zach and Lindsey's pediatrician when we lived in Magnolia, Arkansas many years ago.
Dr. Baldwin thoroughly checked him and got his full history from birth, at least as much as we knew. She had blood drawn and also checked his stool for parasites. His blood work came back good. And she
was very positive at what he might be able to accomplish in the future. We came away feeling very encouraged.
She is working on getting appointments set up with specialists in Audiology, Opthalmology, Rehab medicine along with wanting him to have an EEG and MRI. So we're waiting to hear about those appointments and praying they will get scheduled before we need to return to Quebec.
We were in Little Rock almost all day until 6pm and overall, Arouna did great. He really enjoys getting out and going places, loves riding in the car, riding in the stroller, etc. And tonight he let me rock him to sleep for the very first time. YAY!!
One less orphan
Wed, Sept. 24th
There is one less orphan in the world tonight. :) He is home in the US and now we await his citizenship papers and passport. We also are wanting to get him in to see doctors and specialists at Childrens Hospital while we wait.
It's hard to believe that less than 48 hours ago we were in West Africa still. It's a different world. A world in which I'd like to keep certain parts of it and then leave others parts behind. We left Ouaga at around 10pm on Monday evening. Our flight went to Brussels and was about 5-6 hours long. As soon as we got on the flight, they served dinner at around 11:00-11:30. I changed Arouna into his pj's with big hopes of him going to sleep. He was happy as a lark either sitting on our lap or sitting on his seat, but he was really sleepy too. So we layed him down on his seat between us with his head on a pillow. He layed there and wiggled and talked and played for hours. And then 30 minutes before we landed, he fell asleep. ARGH! They served us breakfast about 3-4 hours after dinner and then we landed in Brussels at about 4am Burkina time. He woke up when we had to leave the plane. His diaper had leaked all over his pj's, so I changed him again. Fun! We had a 5 hour layover in Brussels and Arouna slept for about 3 hours. We boarded the flight to Chicago and it was scheduled to be a 9 hour flight. Arouna was happy and content the whole time but only slept a couple of hours. The rest of the time, he giggled and wiggled constantly. We finally arrived in Little Rock at about 7pm. It was a long journey, but went much smoother than we had anticipated. God had answered prayers again as so many had prayed for our trip back with Arouna.
There is one less orphan in the world tonight. :) He is home in the US and now we await his citizenship papers and passport. We also are wanting to get him in to see doctors and specialists at Childrens Hospital while we wait.
It's hard to believe that less than 48 hours ago we were in West Africa still. It's a different world. A world in which I'd like to keep certain parts of it and then leave others parts behind. We left Ouaga at around 10pm on Monday evening. Our flight went to Brussels and was about 5-6 hours long. As soon as we got on the flight, they served dinner at around 11:00-11:30. I changed Arouna into his pj's with big hopes of him going to sleep. He was happy as a lark either sitting on our lap or sitting on his seat, but he was really sleepy too. So we layed him down on his seat between us with his head on a pillow. He layed there and wiggled and talked and played for hours. And then 30 minutes before we landed, he fell asleep. ARGH! They served us breakfast about 3-4 hours after dinner and then we landed in Brussels at about 4am Burkina time. He woke up when we had to leave the plane. His diaper had leaked all over his pj's, so I changed him again. Fun! We had a 5 hour layover in Brussels and Arouna slept for about 3 hours. We boarded the flight to Chicago and it was scheduled to be a 9 hour flight. Arouna was happy and content the whole time but only slept a couple of hours. The rest of the time, he giggled and wiggled constantly. We finally arrived in Little Rock at about 7pm. It was a long journey, but went much smoother than we had anticipated. God had answered prayers again as so many had prayed for our trip back with Arouna.
IT'S ALL WORTH IT
Sunday, Sept. 21st
We've had some good days since the last time I wrote. Physically, I don't feel too tired and emotionally I've been doing good......praying a lot, but feeling God's presence and knowing he's there with me. Some of the highlights the last few days have been:
Friday: We ate dinner with Ruth and Linda at a family's house who have also adopted a Burkina boy. Isaac and Melissa have 2 girls and one adopted boy, Steve. Steve and Arouna were in the same orphanage. Steve(4) is such a sweetie, wanting to help Arouna eat, hugging him and holding his hand. We talked til almost 9pm about living in Africa, adopting, etc. while the kids played and Arouna sat on the carpet and took it all in.
Saturday: We decided to go to a hotel today to swim. There is a nice hoteal a block from where we're staying, so at around 10am, we walked there. The water is colder than what Arouna is used to. This is our 2nd time at the pool and he likes it after he gets accustomed to the temperature. We stayed til noon and then Arouna and I walked back to the guesthouse while Robert went to a grocery store. I fed Arouna lunch and put him down for a nap. He fell asleep finally about the time we were ready to go back to the pool. So we woke him up and went back for an hour or so. After that, we went to a "fast food" place and ordered paninis and we expected to get sick from eating them but we didn't and they were really good.
And then today, we went to church this morning at the International English service. After the service, we went with Ruth and Linda to a large store called Marina. It's a 3 storey store, somewhat like Wal-
Mart with a restaurant and playplace on the 3rd floor. Robert and I ordered hamburgers and they were good. The highlight was not the food, but what the Burkina man behind the counter who took our order said. When he saw us with Arouna, he said, "Thank you so much for what you're doing for this child. He would have no chance at life in our country. You are saving a life." I'll never forget this man what he said. After we ate, he came up to us and said it again. He'll never know how much that meant to me. At times when it's hard and I'm tempted to wonder if it's all worth it, I pray that this sweet mans words come back to me. I hope one day in heaven I'm able to hug this man and tell him what a gift it was.
After lunch, we came home, put Arouna down for a nap, and packed for tomorrow. I'm ready to get back, though it's not home we're going to first. I miss my kids so much and the fact that internet has been so lousy here has made it even harder. I love West Africa and the people here, but I'm reminded of how hard it is to actually live here. We leave tomorrow night on an Air Brussels flight at 9:45pm. It's going to be really hard to get Arouna to sleep on the plane, so I'm hoping he's so exhausted by the time it takes off that he just falls over asleep. I guess we'll see. :)
We've had some good days since the last time I wrote. Physically, I don't feel too tired and emotionally I've been doing good......praying a lot, but feeling God's presence and knowing he's there with me. Some of the highlights the last few days have been:
Friday: We ate dinner with Ruth and Linda at a family's house who have also adopted a Burkina boy. Isaac and Melissa have 2 girls and one adopted boy, Steve. Steve and Arouna were in the same orphanage. Steve(4) is such a sweetie, wanting to help Arouna eat, hugging him and holding his hand. We talked til almost 9pm about living in Africa, adopting, etc. while the kids played and Arouna sat on the carpet and took it all in.
Saturday: We decided to go to a hotel today to swim. There is a nice hoteal a block from where we're staying, so at around 10am, we walked there. The water is colder than what Arouna is used to. This is our 2nd time at the pool and he likes it after he gets accustomed to the temperature. We stayed til noon and then Arouna and I walked back to the guesthouse while Robert went to a grocery store. I fed Arouna lunch and put him down for a nap. He fell asleep finally about the time we were ready to go back to the pool. So we woke him up and went back for an hour or so. After that, we went to a "fast food" place and ordered paninis and we expected to get sick from eating them but we didn't and they were really good.
And then today, we went to church this morning at the International English service. After the service, we went with Ruth and Linda to a large store called Marina. It's a 3 storey store, somewhat like Wal-
Mart with a restaurant and playplace on the 3rd floor. Robert and I ordered hamburgers and they were good. The highlight was not the food, but what the Burkina man behind the counter who took our order said. When he saw us with Arouna, he said, "Thank you so much for what you're doing for this child. He would have no chance at life in our country. You are saving a life." I'll never forget this man what he said. After we ate, he came up to us and said it again. He'll never know how much that meant to me. At times when it's hard and I'm tempted to wonder if it's all worth it, I pray that this sweet mans words come back to me. I hope one day in heaven I'm able to hug this man and tell him what a gift it was.
After lunch, we came home, put Arouna down for a nap, and packed for tomorrow. I'm ready to get back, though it's not home we're going to first. I miss my kids so much and the fact that internet has been so lousy here has made it even harder. I love West Africa and the people here, but I'm reminded of how hard it is to actually live here. We leave tomorrow night on an Air Brussels flight at 9:45pm. It's going to be really hard to get Arouna to sleep on the plane, so I'm hoping he's so exhausted by the time it takes off that he just falls over asleep. I guess we'll see. :)
"Adoption is like........."
Thursday, Sept. 18th
The last 2 days have gone well. I haven't written because by the time he goes to bed, I'm exhausted myself. And I usually hit the bed soon after he does.
It seems to be sinking in the challenges ahead of us. Another adoptive family made this comment, "Adoption is like opening a book in the middle and starting to read from there." I so agree. We don't really know why he's crying, what he wants or when he wants it. We're having to figure it out slowly. And at times, it's just hard. And since he can't tell us, that makes it harder.
Robert is doing great with him the last few days. He can tell when it's my breaking point and he'll take over. We've already grown so much closer thru this. It's going to take the both of us especially thru this adjustment period.
Before we came to get Arouna, we were told he never cried. He would sit alone for hours with no stimulation. And the first 2-3 days, that's what he did with us. Then we started noticing when we put him down, he would cry. In 1 week and 2 days, he's decided that he wants to be held and he gets excited when we go places. I guess for 2 and half years sitting in the same room, he's finally being stimulated and he likes it. He's beginning to show signs of letting us soothe him. A week ago, he would self-soothe by rolling his head from 1 side to the other, but I haven't noticed that for days. So we are seeing very small improvements, but it's tough at times.
Today we visited the sacred crocodiles at Bazouli. We got some pictures but it was very hot and Arouna was hungry. So out of about 186 crocodiles in the lake, we saw about 6 or 7 and then walked back to feed Arouna. We ate dinner tonight with Ruth and Linda.
The last 2 days have gone well. I haven't written because by the time he goes to bed, I'm exhausted myself. And I usually hit the bed soon after he does.
It seems to be sinking in the challenges ahead of us. Another adoptive family made this comment, "Adoption is like opening a book in the middle and starting to read from there." I so agree. We don't really know why he's crying, what he wants or when he wants it. We're having to figure it out slowly. And at times, it's just hard. And since he can't tell us, that makes it harder.
Robert is doing great with him the last few days. He can tell when it's my breaking point and he'll take over. We've already grown so much closer thru this. It's going to take the both of us especially thru this adjustment period.
Before we came to get Arouna, we were told he never cried. He would sit alone for hours with no stimulation. And the first 2-3 days, that's what he did with us. Then we started noticing when we put him down, he would cry. In 1 week and 2 days, he's decided that he wants to be held and he gets excited when we go places. I guess for 2 and half years sitting in the same room, he's finally being stimulated and he likes it. He's beginning to show signs of letting us soothe him. A week ago, he would self-soothe by rolling his head from 1 side to the other, but I haven't noticed that for days. So we are seeing very small improvements, but it's tough at times.
Today we visited the sacred crocodiles at Bazouli. We got some pictures but it was very hot and Arouna was hungry. So out of about 186 crocodiles in the lake, we saw about 6 or 7 and then walked back to feed Arouna. We ate dinner tonight with Ruth and Linda.
Fears and tears
Monday, Sept. 15th
Yesterday, I couldn't even write anything. It was an extremely hard day. Not physically, anymore than usual. I've accepted the fact that physically life will be hard from now on. If he learns to walk, it may be easier, but we don't know if he ever will.
I'm talking about emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. I'm not sure how to explain, but I'll try. When we accepted Arouna's referral almost a year ago, we were told he most likely had CP, was blind and was deaf. We worked thru that, processed that, prayed about it, etc. Especially Robert wanted to be completely at peace before he said yes. I felt ready for the challenge with all those issues, but Robert
was more cautious. He wanted a child that had special needs, but he was concerned about mental deficiencies. He wanted a child that we adopt to at least know and recognize us. We asked the orphanage and even had a friend who is a neuroscientist watch a video of him, but everyone said it's too soon to tell. Robert prayed and prayed and I did too. He was the child available at the time that had the needs we wanted or so it seemed.
As we've been with Arouna, we've seen his personality, his actions, his behavior, etc. He is an adorable little boy. Snuggly, cuddly, smiley, sleeps well, eats well. But we're coming to the conclusion that it's most likely not CP. And if it is, it's the cognitive area of the brain that has been affected most. It's like he's in another world most of the time. We even think he sees and hears some, but we can't tell how much.
The thing that scares us the most is does he know it's us? Will he ever know it's us? Will he ever connect with us? Will he ever connect with his siblings? Will others we know (friends and family) just write him off and not even try to get to know him? Will everyone just feel pity for us for adopting a child that will never connect?
Until a few days ago, I wasn't feeling this way at all. And then I began to see Robert withdraw. Withdraw from Arouna, from being with me and Arouna. I can't do this alone. I need his help, support, encouragement, optimism. But I feel as though he sees no hope. And now he has me wondering if there's hope.
It's hard to think you're getting a child with a certain diagnosis and then arrive and realize it probably isn't that at all. It's a shock and in a way, I'm grieving. With CP, I studied it, knew the potential, know some of the hardships. With what Arouna has, I don't know.
The last 2 days also, has been a bit fussier. Ruth and Phillip Matheny say it's because he knows now that his needs will be met, so he's crying to get a response. We also don't know if he has a stomach ache or is bloated or what. Sometimes he explodes out of his diaper and other times he goes all morning with no bm. I guess all of this is just part of learning about him and adjusting to him and him to us.
But I'm scared and it's just now completely sinking in of how hard this will be and how hard the transition will be.
_________________
After Robert and I both cried all this afternoon, we called Ruth to talk with her. She came over atound 6:30pm and we explained how we felt, the feelings and doubts we're having, the grieving process. She was so gracious and loving though I know it must be painful for her to hear. She prayed for us and gave us advice that there will be a big transition and adjustment.
Tonight before I put Arouna in bed, I layed on the double bed and played and tickled him. He was happy and content and giggled and giggled. He was very sweet and snuggly too. His personality really came thru. I needed those moments as a confirmation.
I honestly can't do this in my own strength. It has to be by the grace of God, his strength, His endurance and His love. Because sometimes I just want to be selfish, but I also know that God can bring great peace and joy. Phil. 4:5-6
Yesterday, I couldn't even write anything. It was an extremely hard day. Not physically, anymore than usual. I've accepted the fact that physically life will be hard from now on. If he learns to walk, it may be easier, but we don't know if he ever will.
I'm talking about emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. I'm not sure how to explain, but I'll try. When we accepted Arouna's referral almost a year ago, we were told he most likely had CP, was blind and was deaf. We worked thru that, processed that, prayed about it, etc. Especially Robert wanted to be completely at peace before he said yes. I felt ready for the challenge with all those issues, but Robert
was more cautious. He wanted a child that had special needs, but he was concerned about mental deficiencies. He wanted a child that we adopt to at least know and recognize us. We asked the orphanage and even had a friend who is a neuroscientist watch a video of him, but everyone said it's too soon to tell. Robert prayed and prayed and I did too. He was the child available at the time that had the needs we wanted or so it seemed.
As we've been with Arouna, we've seen his personality, his actions, his behavior, etc. He is an adorable little boy. Snuggly, cuddly, smiley, sleeps well, eats well. But we're coming to the conclusion that it's most likely not CP. And if it is, it's the cognitive area of the brain that has been affected most. It's like he's in another world most of the time. We even think he sees and hears some, but we can't tell how much.
The thing that scares us the most is does he know it's us? Will he ever know it's us? Will he ever connect with us? Will he ever connect with his siblings? Will others we know (friends and family) just write him off and not even try to get to know him? Will everyone just feel pity for us for adopting a child that will never connect?
Until a few days ago, I wasn't feeling this way at all. And then I began to see Robert withdraw. Withdraw from Arouna, from being with me and Arouna. I can't do this alone. I need his help, support, encouragement, optimism. But I feel as though he sees no hope. And now he has me wondering if there's hope.
It's hard to think you're getting a child with a certain diagnosis and then arrive and realize it probably isn't that at all. It's a shock and in a way, I'm grieving. With CP, I studied it, knew the potential, know some of the hardships. With what Arouna has, I don't know.
The last 2 days also, has been a bit fussier. Ruth and Phillip Matheny say it's because he knows now that his needs will be met, so he's crying to get a response. We also don't know if he has a stomach ache or is bloated or what. Sometimes he explodes out of his diaper and other times he goes all morning with no bm. I guess all of this is just part of learning about him and adjusting to him and him to us.
But I'm scared and it's just now completely sinking in of how hard this will be and how hard the transition will be.
_________________
After Robert and I both cried all this afternoon, we called Ruth to talk with her. She came over atound 6:30pm and we explained how we felt, the feelings and doubts we're having, the grieving process. She was so gracious and loving though I know it must be painful for her to hear. She prayed for us and gave us advice that there will be a big transition and adjustment.
Tonight before I put Arouna in bed, I layed on the double bed and played and tickled him. He was happy and content and giggled and giggled. He was very sweet and snuggly too. His personality really came thru. I needed those moments as a confirmation.
I honestly can't do this in my own strength. It has to be by the grace of God, his strength, His endurance and His love. Because sometimes I just want to be selfish, but I also know that God can bring great peace and joy. Phil. 4:5-6
Relaxing at the pool
Saturday, Sept. 13th
Today was a relaxing day. We let Arouna wake up on his own, around 8:30, fed him breakfast and then I walked with him about 2 blocks to a large hotel to check out the pool and how much it cost. We tried out the front/backpack for the 1st time and he liked it. We found out the pool cost 5,000cfa ($10)/person. Then I went to a few artisana shops to look around. While we were gone, Robert worked on translating some documents from french to english for the US embassy.
We came back and gave Arouna a snack and then packed up to go to the pool. Robert walked with me to the hotel to help me get set up, then he returned to the guesthouse to do more translating and start laundry.
Arouna and I got into the pool. He was a little unsure at first because of the temperature of the water, but then he liked it. He smiled and played while I held him. We arrived at about 11:15 at the pool and got out around 12:30 to give Arouna lunch. After lunch, we got back in for another 45 minutes to an hour and he got so relaxed that he fell asleep. When I tried to get out with him to lay him down, he woke up and decided it was snack time. When he's hungry, he's hungry right then, much like a newborn baby. There is no putting him off for a few minutes. After his snack, we got back in again and he played more. At around 4pm, we left and went back to the guesthouse. I put Arouna in his bed and he slept until 6pm.
I woke him up at 6pm to go to dinner. We went to the Belvedere restaurant. It is a french run restaurant where all the tables are outside under a thatched roof. Ruth, Linda and the Matheny family ate with us.
We came back to the guesthouse after dinner and I gave Arouna his bath and put him to bed. At 11pm, he's still awake talking. :)
Today was a relaxing day. We let Arouna wake up on his own, around 8:30, fed him breakfast and then I walked with him about 2 blocks to a large hotel to check out the pool and how much it cost. We tried out the front/backpack for the 1st time and he liked it. We found out the pool cost 5,000cfa ($10)/person. Then I went to a few artisana shops to look around. While we were gone, Robert worked on translating some documents from french to english for the US embassy.
We came back and gave Arouna a snack and then packed up to go to the pool. Robert walked with me to the hotel to help me get set up, then he returned to the guesthouse to do more translating and start laundry.
Arouna and I got into the pool. He was a little unsure at first because of the temperature of the water, but then he liked it. He smiled and played while I held him. We arrived at about 11:15 at the pool and got out around 12:30 to give Arouna lunch. After lunch, we got back in for another 45 minutes to an hour and he got so relaxed that he fell asleep. When I tried to get out with him to lay him down, he woke up and decided it was snack time. When he's hungry, he's hungry right then, much like a newborn baby. There is no putting him off for a few minutes. After his snack, we got back in again and he played more. At around 4pm, we left and went back to the guesthouse. I put Arouna in his bed and he slept until 6pm.
I woke him up at 6pm to go to dinner. We went to the Belvedere restaurant. It is a french run restaurant where all the tables are outside under a thatched roof. Ruth, Linda and the Matheny family ate with us.
We came back to the guesthouse after dinner and I gave Arouna his bath and put him to bed. At 11pm, he's still awake talking. :)
His name is officially in the Golden Book
Friday, Sept. 12th
We woke up this morning, had breakfast and were ready to go by 9am. We were going back to the doctor to redo the form the doctor had filled in incorrectly. It took a couple of hours waiting for the doctor to see us and then sign it. After succeeding with that, we had lunch at a lebonese restaurant called Chez Simon. Arouna ate in a high chair and had had schwarmas for lunch (one of Roberts favorite things from growing up in Africa). We returned to the guesthouse for naps. Unfortunately because of another diaper blowout, Arouna never went to sleep. We had to change him and give him a bath this time which really woke him up.
At 4pm, we had an appointment at Social Action for the official signing of the Golden Book. This is where all adoptions are recorded in Burkina. We have our own page where Robert wrote in it his
gratitude for the adoption and then we signed it, traced Arouna's hand and then our family picture was glued in the book. The director asked us many questions. A neat thing happened in that there was a french film crew there doing a documentary on international adoption. They asked our permission to film the whole ceremony and we said yes. The film will be shown in the winter in France and Germany. After the ceremony, we gave the director of social action a small gift and then a small gift to our social worker, Adiara.
Afterward, we went to where Ruth and Linda and another family are staying to have dinner. We had lasagna, salad and bread. Arouna had mashed potatoes and banana. We came back home, gave Arouna another bath and put him to bed. I've been listening to him talk for the last hour in his bed.
We woke up this morning, had breakfast and were ready to go by 9am. We were going back to the doctor to redo the form the doctor had filled in incorrectly. It took a couple of hours waiting for the doctor to see us and then sign it. After succeeding with that, we had lunch at a lebonese restaurant called Chez Simon. Arouna ate in a high chair and had had schwarmas for lunch (one of Roberts favorite things from growing up in Africa). We returned to the guesthouse for naps. Unfortunately because of another diaper blowout, Arouna never went to sleep. We had to change him and give him a bath this time which really woke him up.
At 4pm, we had an appointment at Social Action for the official signing of the Golden Book. This is where all adoptions are recorded in Burkina. We have our own page where Robert wrote in it his
gratitude for the adoption and then we signed it, traced Arouna's hand and then our family picture was glued in the book. The director asked us many questions. A neat thing happened in that there was a french film crew there doing a documentary on international adoption. They asked our permission to film the whole ceremony and we said yes. The film will be shown in the winter in France and Germany. After the ceremony, we gave the director of social action a small gift and then a small gift to our social worker, Adiara.
Afterward, we went to where Ruth and Linda and another family are staying to have dinner. We had lasagna, salad and bread. Arouna had mashed potatoes and banana. We came back home, gave Arouna another bath and put him to bed. I've been listening to him talk for the last hour in his bed.
The paperwork never ends
Sept. 11, 2014
We woke up today a bit earlier to make the trip back to Ouaga to finish up the last of the paperwork. It was a 2 hour drive back and Arouna did great in the car. We don't have a car seat here (no kids have them here), so he sat on our lap the whole way looking around and at his hands.
We arrived in Ouaga in time for our appointment at the US embassy. At this time, we were supposed to get Arouna's visa to the states but there were 2 problems. First, the doctor who did Arouna's medical exam marked that he had no disabilities. So we have to return to the doctor to redo that form. Second, Burkina court did something out of order so we have to go back to an agency to get that fixed. So we left the embassy without his visa and a little stressed with more paperwork.
We went back to the guesthouse to eat lunch and put Arouna down for his nap. He ate and put him in his bed but because of a diaper blowout, he never fell asleep. We spent the afternoon running around to do more paperwork and then came back to the guesthouse to make dinner and get Arouna to bed. He had a bath first which he giggled thru again and then fell asleep quite easily.
We woke up today a bit earlier to make the trip back to Ouaga to finish up the last of the paperwork. It was a 2 hour drive back and Arouna did great in the car. We don't have a car seat here (no kids have them here), so he sat on our lap the whole way looking around and at his hands.
We arrived in Ouaga in time for our appointment at the US embassy. At this time, we were supposed to get Arouna's visa to the states but there were 2 problems. First, the doctor who did Arouna's medical exam marked that he had no disabilities. So we have to return to the doctor to redo that form. Second, Burkina court did something out of order so we have to go back to an agency to get that fixed. So we left the embassy without his visa and a little stressed with more paperwork.
We went back to the guesthouse to eat lunch and put Arouna down for his nap. He ate and put him in his bed but because of a diaper blowout, he never fell asleep. We spent the afternoon running around to do more paperwork and then came back to the guesthouse to make dinner and get Arouna to bed. He had a bath first which he giggled thru again and then fell asleep quite easily.
Going away party
Sept 10, 2014
We spend another day in Yako at Arouna's orphanage, bonding with him, feeding him, playing with him, getting to know his personality. After he awoke at about 8:30, we fed him breakfast. He loves bananas, applesauce and baby cereal and he has been eating that at almost every meal. They would also feed the kids rice with sauce, spaghetti(with different types of sauces) and to(a ground millet dish that is very common here but that we hated in Mali). We tried getting Arouna to eat a few of these things and he refused, so we stuck with cereal, bananas and applesauce. He did eat mashed potatoes at one meal too. After breakfast, we went into Yako with Ruth and Linda to do some errands. We bought some items for a going away party for Arouna, a backpack and school supplies for another orphan and ordered supper from an African restaurant (African spaghetti with fish in it).
We next stopped at another orphanage in Yako run by a Burkinabe woman. It was there that we took the backpack and school supplies to a 12 year old little girl to encourage her to try hard in school. School starts in October in Burkina. As we came into the orphanage and sat down with the directrice, the young girl came from one of the buildings with her best clothes on. She is partially blind and is albino. She sat in Ruth's lap and Ruth gave her the backpack and supplies. She held them close to her face to see them and took each thing and looked at it. She was so proud and happy. She told all of us that she is going to try really hard this year and not cause any problems. She's in 2nd grade this year, but she goes to a regular school with no special class for her.
After the orphanage, we returned to Arouna's orphanage for lunch. He ate lunch and we put him in his bed for his nap. He woke up around 3:30 and it was time for his going away party. We had Kool-aid, cookies and lollipops. All the kids at the orphanage came(which is only about 15 during summer) and all the tanties(nannies) came too to say goodbye to Arouna. Of course, Arouna was oblivious to the whole affair but he had his own snack, so he was quite happy. We also gave each of the tanties(25 of them) a little gift of homemade soap made by my Aunt Tricia and gave the men who worked there(8 of them) a shirt and dry fit hat. They were all very happy.
After the party, Robert and I tried to take a walk with Arouna on my back like African ladies do. We made it about 15 minutes but it was just too hot. I don't know how the African women do it. Plus it felt like I was going to drop him the whole time he was on my back. We came back to the guesthouse and Arouna played on the floor til dinner.
We had spaghetti for dinner after feeding Arouna cereal, mashed potatoes and banana. Then we sat at dinner talking with Ruth and Linda, Mike and Amy(orphanage directors). Arouna sat in my lap and played and talked and looked at his hands for over an hour. We then put him in the bath, which he absolutely loves. He laughs, giggles and smiles the whole time. You would think we were constantly tickling him. He doesn't mind when the water goes on his head or in his eyes. And when I take him out of the bath, with the towel around him, he lays really still and snuggles right up to me. Then he'll start talking and cooing as if he's telling me something. After his bath, we got him ready for bed and then put him in the bed. He will sit and lay in his bed up to an hour or sometimes longer before falling asleep on his own.
My observations of him today is that he was a lot more vocal today than yesterday. A few times as I was holding him with his head against my chest, he would look up at me right in the eyes. He also was more cuddly and snuggly today.
We spend another day in Yako at Arouna's orphanage, bonding with him, feeding him, playing with him, getting to know his personality. After he awoke at about 8:30, we fed him breakfast. He loves bananas, applesauce and baby cereal and he has been eating that at almost every meal. They would also feed the kids rice with sauce, spaghetti(with different types of sauces) and to(a ground millet dish that is very common here but that we hated in Mali). We tried getting Arouna to eat a few of these things and he refused, so we stuck with cereal, bananas and applesauce. He did eat mashed potatoes at one meal too. After breakfast, we went into Yako with Ruth and Linda to do some errands. We bought some items for a going away party for Arouna, a backpack and school supplies for another orphan and ordered supper from an African restaurant (African spaghetti with fish in it).
We next stopped at another orphanage in Yako run by a Burkinabe woman. It was there that we took the backpack and school supplies to a 12 year old little girl to encourage her to try hard in school. School starts in October in Burkina. As we came into the orphanage and sat down with the directrice, the young girl came from one of the buildings with her best clothes on. She is partially blind and is albino. She sat in Ruth's lap and Ruth gave her the backpack and supplies. She held them close to her face to see them and took each thing and looked at it. She was so proud and happy. She told all of us that she is going to try really hard this year and not cause any problems. She's in 2nd grade this year, but she goes to a regular school with no special class for her.
After the orphanage, we returned to Arouna's orphanage for lunch. He ate lunch and we put him in his bed for his nap. He woke up around 3:30 and it was time for his going away party. We had Kool-aid, cookies and lollipops. All the kids at the orphanage came(which is only about 15 during summer) and all the tanties(nannies) came too to say goodbye to Arouna. Of course, Arouna was oblivious to the whole affair but he had his own snack, so he was quite happy. We also gave each of the tanties(25 of them) a little gift of homemade soap made by my Aunt Tricia and gave the men who worked there(8 of them) a shirt and dry fit hat. They were all very happy.
After the party, Robert and I tried to take a walk with Arouna on my back like African ladies do. We made it about 15 minutes but it was just too hot. I don't know how the African women do it. Plus it felt like I was going to drop him the whole time he was on my back. We came back to the guesthouse and Arouna played on the floor til dinner.
We had spaghetti for dinner after feeding Arouna cereal, mashed potatoes and banana. Then we sat at dinner talking with Ruth and Linda, Mike and Amy(orphanage directors). Arouna sat in my lap and played and talked and looked at his hands for over an hour. We then put him in the bath, which he absolutely loves. He laughs, giggles and smiles the whole time. You would think we were constantly tickling him. He doesn't mind when the water goes on his head or in his eyes. And when I take him out of the bath, with the towel around him, he lays really still and snuggles right up to me. Then he'll start talking and cooing as if he's telling me something. After his bath, we got him ready for bed and then put him in the bed. He will sit and lay in his bed up to an hour or sometimes longer before falling asleep on his own.
My observations of him today is that he was a lot more vocal today than yesterday. A few times as I was holding him with his head against my chest, he would look up at me right in the eyes. He also was more cuddly and snuggly today.
Gotcha Day
Sept. 9, 2014
Today is the long awaited day. I'm so excited I can't hardly sit still to write this. Ruth and Linda picked us up at the airport yesterday at around 4:30pm. It was so good to finally meet the ladies that have been so instrumental in uniting us with Arouna. They both have such a love for the Burkinabe people and the orphans here. It was wonderful to hear them share their hearts and their stories of how they came to be in Burkina.
After they picked us up with all of our luggage, we made a trip to the bank to get money from the ATM with our debit card. Then we went to the Bingo supermarket to buy groceries for while we stay at the guesthouse in Ouagadougou. Our plan is to eat breakfast and lunches in the guesthouse and dinners at restaurants or on the street. After groceries, we went to the American club for dinner. This place was built for American embassy workers years ago when the embassy was across the street. Since then the embassy has moved but at the club, there is a small restaurant, pool, exercise gym, and rooms for other things. Anyone can come to the restaurant and eat. And then people can buy memberships for the pool and other facilities on a yearly basis. After eating, we came back to the guesthouse around 8pm, tried to get on the internet (with no luck) and then went to bed.
Burkina is much like we remember Mali, with mopeds everywhere, people everywhere, mass confusion driving at intersections especially. Africa also has a certain smell to it. It's not bad at all, just a distinct smell. It feels good to be back.
Well, they should be here any minute to pick us up to make the 2 hour drive to Yako. I'm so grateful to be here and feel so privileged to be able to have this experience and love this little boy. I pray that he loves us as much as we already love him!
GOTCHA
We arrived at the orphanage around 11:30-12:00 in the morning. We moved our stuff into the guesthouse while the orphanage director, Amy, went to get Arouna. AND OH MY! I was in tears when I saw him for the first time. Robert held him first. He was taller than I expected, but was so skinny. People had prayed that when we got him he would feel the love we had for him. When Robert handed him to me, he put his head on my shoulder and started patting me. It was amazing. He smiled and was so happy just to be held. He's the most precious little guy. We stood outside taking pictures and video while Robert and I held him and loved on him. He is adorable. His legs, arms and bum are so skinny, though he eats quite a bit.
From that moment on, he was with us and was ours. He can sit up well, hold his head up well though he throws it back a lot on purpose, go from laying down to sitting up faster than I can (which isn't saying too much these days). He can see, but we still are having a hard time telling how much. And we believe he is hearing very loud noises because he has startled at a few things. He also seems to have a mental delay. It was this we were most worried about...afraid that he wouldn't ever really connect with us. But even if that's the case, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm totally in love with this little guy that God has given us. And I can't wait to see what God has in store for his life.
Today is the long awaited day. I'm so excited I can't hardly sit still to write this. Ruth and Linda picked us up at the airport yesterday at around 4:30pm. It was so good to finally meet the ladies that have been so instrumental in uniting us with Arouna. They both have such a love for the Burkinabe people and the orphans here. It was wonderful to hear them share their hearts and their stories of how they came to be in Burkina.
After they picked us up with all of our luggage, we made a trip to the bank to get money from the ATM with our debit card. Then we went to the Bingo supermarket to buy groceries for while we stay at the guesthouse in Ouagadougou. Our plan is to eat breakfast and lunches in the guesthouse and dinners at restaurants or on the street. After groceries, we went to the American club for dinner. This place was built for American embassy workers years ago when the embassy was across the street. Since then the embassy has moved but at the club, there is a small restaurant, pool, exercise gym, and rooms for other things. Anyone can come to the restaurant and eat. And then people can buy memberships for the pool and other facilities on a yearly basis. After eating, we came back to the guesthouse around 8pm, tried to get on the internet (with no luck) and then went to bed.
Burkina is much like we remember Mali, with mopeds everywhere, people everywhere, mass confusion driving at intersections especially. Africa also has a certain smell to it. It's not bad at all, just a distinct smell. It feels good to be back.
Well, they should be here any minute to pick us up to make the 2 hour drive to Yako. I'm so grateful to be here and feel so privileged to be able to have this experience and love this little boy. I pray that he loves us as much as we already love him!
GOTCHA
We arrived at the orphanage around 11:30-12:00 in the morning. We moved our stuff into the guesthouse while the orphanage director, Amy, went to get Arouna. AND OH MY! I was in tears when I saw him for the first time. Robert held him first. He was taller than I expected, but was so skinny. People had prayed that when we got him he would feel the love we had for him. When Robert handed him to me, he put his head on my shoulder and started patting me. It was amazing. He smiled and was so happy just to be held. He's the most precious little guy. We stood outside taking pictures and video while Robert and I held him and loved on him. He is adorable. His legs, arms and bum are so skinny, though he eats quite a bit.
From that moment on, he was with us and was ours. He can sit up well, hold his head up well though he throws it back a lot on purpose, go from laying down to sitting up faster than I can (which isn't saying too much these days). He can see, but we still are having a hard time telling how much. And we believe he is hearing very loud noises because he has startled at a few things. He also seems to have a mental delay. It was this we were most worried about...afraid that he wouldn't ever really connect with us. But even if that's the case, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm totally in love with this little guy that God has given us. And I can't wait to see what God has in store for his life.
The end or the beginning?
Sept 8, 2014
We are almost at the end of a very long journey....or I guess it would be considered more the beginning. It's 9:30am Brussels time, which is 3:30am Sherbrooke time. As usual, I couldn't sleep on the plane. This time because I couldn't get my mind to turn off. It's a good thing I slept well last night.
God continues to amaze us. We arrived at the Montreal airport yesterday with 4 very large suitcases, 2 carry-ons and 2 backpacks. We had checked with Brussels Air and Air Canada in advance and found out we only could take 1 suitcase each unless we wanted to pay $100 per extra bag. When we arrived at check-in, the Air Canada agent asked why we were going to Burkina Faso and Robert explained about our adoption. She waived the fee and didn't charge anything. God is good!
We'll arrive in Ouagadougou at 3:00 in the afternoon where we'll be met by 2 missionaries who have done all the ground work for our adoption in Burkina. First thing to do when we get there is hug their necks. The latest word on Arouna is that he's a little trooper with putting up with all the medical work and vaccinations he's had this last week. He also loves applesauce, bananas and riding in the car. Let's hope he has that same love for airplanes.
It was hard saying goodbyes to the girls yesterday and my parents. I wish they were all able to come along on this adventure. Zach and Lindsey included. I look forward to the day when all 7 of us will be together.
We are almost at the end of a very long journey....or I guess it would be considered more the beginning. It's 9:30am Brussels time, which is 3:30am Sherbrooke time. As usual, I couldn't sleep on the plane. This time because I couldn't get my mind to turn off. It's a good thing I slept well last night.
God continues to amaze us. We arrived at the Montreal airport yesterday with 4 very large suitcases, 2 carry-ons and 2 backpacks. We had checked with Brussels Air and Air Canada in advance and found out we only could take 1 suitcase each unless we wanted to pay $100 per extra bag. When we arrived at check-in, the Air Canada agent asked why we were going to Burkina Faso and Robert explained about our adoption. She waived the fee and didn't charge anything. God is good!
We'll arrive in Ouagadougou at 3:00 in the afternoon where we'll be met by 2 missionaries who have done all the ground work for our adoption in Burkina. First thing to do when we get there is hug their necks. The latest word on Arouna is that he's a little trooper with putting up with all the medical work and vaccinations he's had this last week. He also loves applesauce, bananas and riding in the car. Let's hope he has that same love for airplanes.
It was hard saying goodbyes to the girls yesterday and my parents. I wish they were all able to come along on this adventure. Zach and Lindsey included. I look forward to the day when all 7 of us will be together.
Friday, 5 September 2014
Not long now
In less than 48 hours, Robert and I will be boarding a plane for West Africa. I'm beyond excited and the details are beginning to fall into place so that I can leave with assurance that everything is fine with Maleah and Haley while we're gone. I will miss them greatly and wish that they could accompany us to Burkina. I wish that our whole family was able to go and meet Arouna for the first time. But ages of our children and timing doesn't allow this to be possible. As I sit and consider Arouna becoming part of our family, it's impossible for me not to think of the little boys that first led me to want to adopt special needs.
Theo and Ezekiel are their names. They were roommates in an orphanage in North Haiti. Theo had hydrocephalus, an illness where the liquid doesn't drain from the brain, so that the head swells to a sometimes massive size. Theo's head was so large that he couldn't hold it up, and was barely able to move his body. I fell in love with Theo from a picture on their website and then when our family took a family vacation to Haiti to serve in the orphanage, I met Theo in person. He was a gorgeous little boy and I loved laying on the floor by his cot and singing to him or taking him out for a walk in the stroller. Ezekiel was his roommate and was relatively new to the orphanage the first time I met Theo. Ezekiel would be laying on the floor too when I would be there singing to Theo and his smile would light up a room. He has the sweetest dimples and at the time, the cutest dreadlocks. He loved to be sung to and loved to go for walks in the stroller. I was in love with the both of them.
We returned from Haiti in 2011 and immediately our family began talking of adoption. All of the family wanted to adopt, each with our favorite kids from the orphanage. I knew at that time though that God had given me a passion for special needs. Two little roommates and about 3 others at the orphanage with special needs had woven their way into my heart and there was no turning back. The joy that they show and the challenges that they overcome daily is beyond my understanding. They are truly, each one, a gift from God and I consider it a privilege to be able to adopt a child with special needs.
Though adoption did not work out for us in Haiti at that time, I will never forget the 2 little boys that helped to place this desire in my heart. Unfortunately, Theo died in 2012 on his 3rd birthday. Ezekiel is 4 years old now and still in Haiti at the orphanage waiting for his forever family to discover the gift that he truly is. Are you that family? If so, please don't wait til it's too late for Ezekiel.
Theo and Ezekiel are their names. They were roommates in an orphanage in North Haiti. Theo had hydrocephalus, an illness where the liquid doesn't drain from the brain, so that the head swells to a sometimes massive size. Theo's head was so large that he couldn't hold it up, and was barely able to move his body. I fell in love with Theo from a picture on their website and then when our family took a family vacation to Haiti to serve in the orphanage, I met Theo in person. He was a gorgeous little boy and I loved laying on the floor by his cot and singing to him or taking him out for a walk in the stroller. Ezekiel was his roommate and was relatively new to the orphanage the first time I met Theo. Ezekiel would be laying on the floor too when I would be there singing to Theo and his smile would light up a room. He has the sweetest dimples and at the time, the cutest dreadlocks. He loved to be sung to and loved to go for walks in the stroller. I was in love with the both of them.
We returned from Haiti in 2011 and immediately our family began talking of adoption. All of the family wanted to adopt, each with our favorite kids from the orphanage. I knew at that time though that God had given me a passion for special needs. Two little roommates and about 3 others at the orphanage with special needs had woven their way into my heart and there was no turning back. The joy that they show and the challenges that they overcome daily is beyond my understanding. They are truly, each one, a gift from God and I consider it a privilege to be able to adopt a child with special needs.
Though adoption did not work out for us in Haiti at that time, I will never forget the 2 little boys that helped to place this desire in my heart. Unfortunately, Theo died in 2012 on his 3rd birthday. Ezekiel is 4 years old now and still in Haiti at the orphanage waiting for his forever family to discover the gift that he truly is. Are you that family? If so, please don't wait til it's too late for Ezekiel.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
This has been my favorite verse for many years. Every time I start to worry about something, I would quote this verse and a peace would come over me that is totally unexplainable, except by God. I've been quoting this verse quite a bit this week. Since my last post, we've been busy working out kids schedules, making sure Arouna has insurance when we get back, buying things the orphanage and missionaries want in Burkina, packing it all into the largest suitcases that we own, packing for the time we'll spend in Arkansas, etc......Thus, we haven't had a lot of downtime, but when I do sit down and begin to think about all the transitions and adjustments we will be going thru in the next few months, my heart begins to race. And I have to quote Phil. 4:6-7 to keep from completely freaking out.
And then I think of Arouna, who is 2 years old, can't hear, can't see very well and will be waking up next Monday morning like it's a normal day. There is no way to communicate with him. No way to tell him that his new Mommy and Daddy will be coming to pick him up. No way for him to know that we've loved him for over a year now. No way to explain to him that everything is going to be fine and that we will take good care of him. He'll be taken from the only home he's known since he was 3 days old. And he won't understand at all. In a way, my heart breaks for him that he has to leave his culture and what he's used to. A place where he can wear only a diaper 365 days a year and still feel comfortable. A place where life is pretty simple, all the time. But then my heart gets excited for him as I think of some of the advantages he will have in Canada. The potential to hear, to see better and possibly to walk. The ability to reach his full potential that he was created for. The potential to know the God who created him and to know how much He loves him. Or maybe he'll never see better, hear or walk. Maybe he'll just feel the unconditional love of a family, no matter what he can or can't do.
Since my last post, I've had the privilege of being with friends at 2 different times in which they intentionally prayed for us, our family and Arouna. One time was a surprise baby shower that a large group of friends came to. The other time was my Bible study group that I've been a part of for almost 9 years. It was so special to be surrounded by the friends that have made this whole thing possible with their giving, encouragement and support. And then for them to pray for us was even more of a gift. At each different occasion, friends prayed that even though Arouna can't understand anything, that God would allow him to feel the love of Robert and I as soon as we held him. That even though he can't hear us say it, that he would know in his heart that he was secure and loved. I had never thought about praying that or even considered that God could do that. But He can. He can speak into Arouna's heart and reassure him. So that is now my prayer from here on out.
Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
This has been my favorite verse for many years. Every time I start to worry about something, I would quote this verse and a peace would come over me that is totally unexplainable, except by God. I've been quoting this verse quite a bit this week. Since my last post, we've been busy working out kids schedules, making sure Arouna has insurance when we get back, buying things the orphanage and missionaries want in Burkina, packing it all into the largest suitcases that we own, packing for the time we'll spend in Arkansas, etc......Thus, we haven't had a lot of downtime, but when I do sit down and begin to think about all the transitions and adjustments we will be going thru in the next few months, my heart begins to race. And I have to quote Phil. 4:6-7 to keep from completely freaking out.
And then I think of Arouna, who is 2 years old, can't hear, can't see very well and will be waking up next Monday morning like it's a normal day. There is no way to communicate with him. No way to tell him that his new Mommy and Daddy will be coming to pick him up. No way for him to know that we've loved him for over a year now. No way to explain to him that everything is going to be fine and that we will take good care of him. He'll be taken from the only home he's known since he was 3 days old. And he won't understand at all. In a way, my heart breaks for him that he has to leave his culture and what he's used to. A place where he can wear only a diaper 365 days a year and still feel comfortable. A place where life is pretty simple, all the time. But then my heart gets excited for him as I think of some of the advantages he will have in Canada. The potential to hear, to see better and possibly to walk. The ability to reach his full potential that he was created for. The potential to know the God who created him and to know how much He loves him. Or maybe he'll never see better, hear or walk. Maybe he'll just feel the unconditional love of a family, no matter what he can or can't do.
Since my last post, I've had the privilege of being with friends at 2 different times in which they intentionally prayed for us, our family and Arouna. One time was a surprise baby shower that a large group of friends came to. The other time was my Bible study group that I've been a part of for almost 9 years. It was so special to be surrounded by the friends that have made this whole thing possible with their giving, encouragement and support. And then for them to pray for us was even more of a gift. At each different occasion, friends prayed that even though Arouna can't understand anything, that God would allow him to feel the love of Robert and I as soon as we held him. That even though he can't hear us say it, that he would know in his heart that he was secure and loved. I had never thought about praying that or even considered that God could do that. But He can. He can speak into Arouna's heart and reassure him. So that is now my prayer from here on out.
Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Monday, 25 August 2014
13 days and counting
It's so surreal....13 days from today, we will be leaving for a trip we've been planning for almost 3 years. Three years ago, we began discussing adoption, never realizing the process would take this long. I told someone the other day that I felt like I've been pregnant for 3 years. Knowing a child was coming but waiting an insanely long time. And now that the time has almost arrived, I'm not sure how I feel.
Don't get me wrong! I'm so excited to finally meet this little guy that I've loved from afar. To finally hold him, kiss him, tickle him, play with him, feed him, etc.... To finally see his personality. To show him all the love I've wanted to give him since we first saw his picture. To meet his caretakers and give them a big hug for taking care of him for almost 3 years. To visit his country and experience his culture.
But along with excitement comes anxiety, fear, and nervousness. I guess it's normal or at least they say it is. Even if I was giving birth in 13 days, I would feel these things. But this is a bit different. Bonding and attachment sometimes is not automatic. All these "what ifs" are running thru my head. What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't attach to me? What if he doesn't like all the new changes? What if he doesn't like the temperature and weather? What if he goes from being a very content little guy to very sad and unhappy? What if he gets sick in his new environment? What if I'm not very good at being a Mom to a little one with special needs? What if I'm too old for this? What if Maleah has a hard time adjusting and regrets us adopting? What if all our kids regret that we've adopted?
What if, what if, what if? I could probably go on forever with what ifs. Believe me, they've all entered my mind since we found out we were traveling. Some of them were brought on by others who don't understand our decision to adopt a child with special needs. But most of them have been brought on by myself and my own doubts. And sometimes they can begin to get the best of me to the point of thinking, "What in the world were we thinking? Whatever gave me the idea that I could do this?"
And then I come to the realization that "I" can't. In fact, "we" can't. Robert and I can't. So very often, we try and do everything all on our own. We try to do marriage on our own. We try to do parenting on our own. We try to live life on our own. And we fail miserably. It's only by God's grace, with His help, with knowing He'll be right beside us all the way that we can even attempt to do this.
It was God, in the the first place, that put the desire and passion to adopt a child with special needs in my heart. It was God that convinced Robert to take a leap of faith and adopt a child with a special need he knew nothing about. It was God who provided $32,000 thru the gifts and help of friends and family. And I believe wholeheartedly it was God who brought Arouna up on the adoption website at the precise time we had to choose a child.
Does this mean that it will be easy and go smoothly? That Arouna will bond right away, we'll adjust and the transition will be a piece of cake? That Arouna will group up happy, content and in good health? Unfortunately, the answer to all those questions is NO. There are no guarantees in life other than that we have a God who will be there for us and with us. He promises that this life will not be easy. That there will be trials and struggles in this world. But for those who call out to Him, we are not alone.
There's great comfort in that. Do I still worry, fear, have anxiety, etc....? Of course! I'll wake up tomorrow and go thru the same list of "what ifs". And the day after and the day after that. I'll continue to worry until I'm brought back to the realization that this is God's will and He orchestrated it all. It's then that I'm able to rest in His peace. I've always believed this statement that I heard years ago, "God will not lead you where His grace cannot sustain you." Is that just a nice saying or do I truly believe it? I can say I do, but only time will tell.
More thoughts to come soon.....
Don't get me wrong! I'm so excited to finally meet this little guy that I've loved from afar. To finally hold him, kiss him, tickle him, play with him, feed him, etc.... To finally see his personality. To show him all the love I've wanted to give him since we first saw his picture. To meet his caretakers and give them a big hug for taking care of him for almost 3 years. To visit his country and experience his culture.
But along with excitement comes anxiety, fear, and nervousness. I guess it's normal or at least they say it is. Even if I was giving birth in 13 days, I would feel these things. But this is a bit different. Bonding and attachment sometimes is not automatic. All these "what ifs" are running thru my head. What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't attach to me? What if he doesn't like all the new changes? What if he doesn't like the temperature and weather? What if he goes from being a very content little guy to very sad and unhappy? What if he gets sick in his new environment? What if I'm not very good at being a Mom to a little one with special needs? What if I'm too old for this? What if Maleah has a hard time adjusting and regrets us adopting? What if all our kids regret that we've adopted?
What if, what if, what if? I could probably go on forever with what ifs. Believe me, they've all entered my mind since we found out we were traveling. Some of them were brought on by others who don't understand our decision to adopt a child with special needs. But most of them have been brought on by myself and my own doubts. And sometimes they can begin to get the best of me to the point of thinking, "What in the world were we thinking? Whatever gave me the idea that I could do this?"
And then I come to the realization that "I" can't. In fact, "we" can't. Robert and I can't. So very often, we try and do everything all on our own. We try to do marriage on our own. We try to do parenting on our own. We try to live life on our own. And we fail miserably. It's only by God's grace, with His help, with knowing He'll be right beside us all the way that we can even attempt to do this.
It was God, in the the first place, that put the desire and passion to adopt a child with special needs in my heart. It was God that convinced Robert to take a leap of faith and adopt a child with a special need he knew nothing about. It was God who provided $32,000 thru the gifts and help of friends and family. And I believe wholeheartedly it was God who brought Arouna up on the adoption website at the precise time we had to choose a child.
Does this mean that it will be easy and go smoothly? That Arouna will bond right away, we'll adjust and the transition will be a piece of cake? That Arouna will group up happy, content and in good health? Unfortunately, the answer to all those questions is NO. There are no guarantees in life other than that we have a God who will be there for us and with us. He promises that this life will not be easy. That there will be trials and struggles in this world. But for those who call out to Him, we are not alone.
There's great comfort in that. Do I still worry, fear, have anxiety, etc....? Of course! I'll wake up tomorrow and go thru the same list of "what ifs". And the day after and the day after that. I'll continue to worry until I'm brought back to the realization that this is God's will and He orchestrated it all. It's then that I'm able to rest in His peace. I've always believed this statement that I heard years ago, "God will not lead you where His grace cannot sustain you." Is that just a nice saying or do I truly believe it? I can say I do, but only time will tell.
More thoughts to come soon.....
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