One Year

We have arrived at 1 year home for Arouna!!  What a blessing and privilege this last year has been and we look forward to so many more.                                                                                            

September 9, 2014 was the official "Gotcha Day" for Arouna.  He arrived in North America on September 24,2014 and he arrived in Canada for the first time on July 15, 2015.  A lot has happened in his 1 year with us.  At times, it seems like yesterday that we were landing in Burkina Faso and at other times, I feel like it's been a lifetime since those days.  I haven't blogged about a lot of things, especially lately as we've returned to Quebec.  I haven't had as much free time here as Arouna just started going to preschool last week and he only goes 3 days/week, unlike 5 days/week in the states. But because of that, I've been able to spend more days with him and enjoy things that we couldn't do before when he was in school 5 days/week.

I've been thinking a lot about what I would want to write about him being home 1 year.  There is so much to say, but yet I don't want to repeat what's already been said.  It's hard to express what is in my heart and what this adoption experience has been like.  It's definitely one of the most amazing, life changing experiences I've ever had.  And this little boy that we've adopted is so amazing in so many ways.  People ask all the time, "are you seeing any progress" or "is he making improvements" or "is he doing this yet, or that yet?"  Most of the time, we have to answer, "No, he's not doing this yet or that yet, but........."  So here's a little update on what he is doing and how he has improved.

Epilepsy:  As of July 5th of this year, Arouna has not had any seizures that we've been able to see.  Of course, he could experience them during his sleep, but we have no indication that he does.  He is on 3 medications for seizures, but it seems that they are controlled at this point.

Sleeping:  Arouna is sleeping very well.  He sleeps usually 10-12 hours a night and most nights doesn't wake at all.  If he does wake up, he'll talk for a while and then fall back asleep on his own.  He is still taking naps and will sleep 1-3 hours daily.  Arouna also loves his bed.  It's still his "safe" place and he smiles and is happy when we put him in his bed.  He seems to understand when we tell him he's going to his bed and gets a big smile on his face.

Eating:  Arouna still loves to eat, but he has self-regulated to where he doesn't stuff himself until he's sick.  When he first came home, his body didn't know how much was too much, but now he does and lets us know with grunts and uncomfortable sounds when he's had too much.  Arouna eats everything we give him, but he still eats things that are pureed.  He is allergic to cows milk so instead, he drinks Almond milk.  He can now wait when he's hungry and doesn't have to be fed right away, like before.

Playing:  He's definitely aware of when we're playing with him now.  He still doesn't really try to play or manipulate toys, but he loves to be wrestled with and tickled.  He really gets into it and even makes sounds as if he's really working hard to wrestle us.  He loves it when his sisters kiss on him and blow raspberries on his cheeks.  I'm sure he thinks we're all a little crazy but he gets a big smile on his face.

Visually:  It's still really hard to tell how well he sees, but he does make more eye contact.  He is more aware of his surroundings.  At times, we'll notice him really staring at the tv when it is something on with music or dancing.

Hearing:  We can tell that he is beginning to process what he is hearing.  His ears were checked extensively in Arkansas and they found nothing wrong with his hearing, but they didn't know if he processed in his brain what he was hearing.   But now, we can tell that has improved.  First, he startles now at noises that aren't that loud.  Second, about 50% of the time, he will turn to us when we say his name.  Third, he seems to be understanding a few of the things we are saying.

Motor skills:  He now gets into a crawling position everyday and I've caught him just a couple of times moving his hands or knees forward.  He can hold on to something like his playpen, while standing, for a few minutes now without falling.  His sitting, rolling over both ways and getting into a sitting position from laying down are now perfected and he does that faster than I can(which is not really saying that much anymore).

Vocally:  Arouna makes lots of sounds, but not that many consonant sounds.  But there have been quite a few times in the last few months that he's really trying hard to say something and it will get close to sounding like a real word.  The word he still tries to say every night is "bath" and he sometimes gets out the "b" sound but most of the time it's just more of a spitting sound.  But he's really cute as he's trying to say it.

Other accomplishments:  When we tell him it's time to go or we go to pick him up, he raises his arms almost everytime in anticipation of us getting him.  Turning his head to us when we talk to him about 60% of the time.  When we talk directly to him, he responds with a sound about 25% of the time as if he's talking back to us.

I'm quite sure there are other things that I've forgotten.  There are days that I can easily get discouraged because I can't see progress and I begin to think, maybe he would have been better off to just be in Africa.  And then there are days that I'm so encouraged that I want to travel to Africa and bring all the children home to our house.  haha  But overall, I'm just content with where we're at and that he's a part of our family.  I can't remember what it's like when he wasn't here and I don't want to go back to that.

People also ask all the time, "what do the doctors think his future will be like?" or "what do they think he'll be able to do?"  Honestly, all of it's speculation.  As I've said before, we brought him into our family not knowing if he would progress at all.  For all we knew, he could have regressed.  And he still could.  But that won't matter at all in our love for him.  He is a precious boy, created and loved by God.  He survived a terrible 3 days after birth with no food or water, for a purpose.  Each year, on February 27th, we celebrate his birth.  And each year, on September 9th, we will celebrate that he's become our son and a very important member of our family.  Happy Gotcha Day Roo and we pray there are many more to come!

I've totally blown it

It's Friday morning, Maleah and Arouna are at school and I'm reflecting on the last few days.  There are many days that I feel completely at peace with where our family is and where I'm at spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.  And then there are days that I feel totally at a loss.  I know that everyone goes thru these same emotions and feelings.  As parents and especially Moms, we evaluate ourselves a lot of times on how our children are doing.  If they're in a good place, we are too.  If not, we feel like failures.  I guess that's where I've been the last week or so.  And that's where I found myself the last 2 nights when I've totally blown it.

The last week or so Arouna has been different in a few different ways.  We are noticing that he seems to be more aware of things.  That is a wonderful thing, if it's true, but it also means he is becoming more frustrated at times.  And with being frustrated comes crying, whining, etc.  The hard thing about this is that we don't even know for sure that this is the case.  He could be not feeling well, he could still have giardia that is causing pain in his stomach, he could be tired because he doesn't sleep well at school, etc...... and the list goes on.  We just don't know and there is no easy way to find out because of not being able to communicate with him.  So we just have to try and guess and when we don't guess correctly, he is upset, which leads to the crying, whining, etc.  Bathtime is his favorite thing or so we thought.  But the last few days as we've put him in his bath, he is fine for a few minutes and then he starts to cry uncontrollably.  For a couple of weeks, he had started reaching for his toys in the bathtub and trying to catch a ball and we were so excited for this progress.  Now, he just cries.  And I lost it.  Two nights in a row I was angry with him and frustrated and he could tell, which made him scream even louder.  But then as I stepped back, I realized.  It's not him I'm frustrated with, it's me.  The thought that if I was a better mother, I could know what he's upset about.  The thought that I should be able to make this better.  The frightening thought that I've only made his life more complicated and unhappy by bringing him here. That's where my thoughts start to go when I get in a bad place.  And that's where I find myself this morning.  With the thought that "maybe I'm just not good enough or strong enough to handle this."  All the time from people I hear, "You're such an amazing person for adopting Arouna."  But I want to scream out every time I hear that because I know the truth.  I'm just an ordinary person doing what I can and I fail constantly and sometimes miserably.

In fact, at this very moment in time, all of my kids are experiencing hard things.  Things that as a Mom, I cant fix.  Most of the time, all I can do is pray and even though it is, that never seems to be enough.  I want things to be perfect for them and for them to be happy.  But as we all know, life is not always butterflies and rainbows.  Life is difficult, hard, messy and just plain unfair at times.

I'm not sure why I'm confessing all this on this blog.  Maybe it's because when I write it all out, I begin to process it and see the real truth. Truth is that I will make many mistakes, but I am forgiven. Truth is that I'm not perfect, never will be and my life and my childrens lives never will be.  But Christ is perfect and with Him living thru me, I can continue to do His will in my life.  And the truth is I'm not good enough or strong enough, but Christ is strong enough to live thru me and use me. And whether I feel it or not, day by day, I am the "best" person God has chosen to guide my children along in life.  Thank goodness that God chose to give me grace and thank goodness my family practices it every day that they live with me.  

Still surreal.....

Today makes 6 months exactly since Robert and I met Arouna.  We arrived at his orphanage at around 11am on September 9th and held him for the first time.  On September 23rd, he arrived on American soil.

It's been a crazy ride as far as first adoptions go.  From changing countries we were adopting from, to our adoption agency going bankrupt and taking $8,000 from us, we've definitely experienced our share of bumps and challenges.

Tonight as I sat on the floor with Arouna after giving him his bath, he was very still with his head against my chest.  He was looking up into my face and very calmly babbling to me and sucking on his hand.  And all I could do was sit there and look into his eyes and feel so much gratitude for my little boy.  As I sat there holding him and him slobbering all over the front of my shirt, I couldn't help but feel so proud of him.  To feel so humbled that I have been given the opportunity to be his Mom. It still is very surreal.

And then I thought about how privileged I've been to be the Mom of all of my kids.  Each so very unique and special in their own way.  Each so very different with different talents and gifts.  Each of them only on loan to me for a very short time.  In spite of me and all my mistakes as a Mom, they have blossomed.  They are each still on their own journeys and I get to witness those journeys and be a part of them.  Some of the journey isn't fun to watch, but is painful.  But it's just part of being a Mom and parent.

I don't take this gift of being a parent and Mom for granted.  I have friends that are praying for this and I'm praying for this with them.

I guess this post is just a bit of a reflection for me.  Reflecting on the last 6 months with Arouna and the last 23 years with the others.  It's all a little surreal still and I feel very blessed.

Settling In

We're coming up on 5 months that Arouna has been home in the states and it's starting to feel like we're settling in.  Some days I can't remember life before Arouna and other days, it seems as if the adjustment period will last forever.  But more and more, it seems that life is becoming more normal.  We're beginning to learn how much time it takes to get ready in the mornings, how much food to take with us every time we go out, how to change a diaper of a growing, squirmy 3 year old in some of the most unlikely places and how to deal with the stares from those who can't understand his disability or how Arouna fits in with 2 white parents and white siblings.

Arouna has been doing very well in the adjustment process.  He seems to happily go along for the ride wherever we may take him with very little complaints or problems.  He likes riding in the car, going in the stroller(for the most part), and just being out and about.  I think, like us, he begins to get a bit of cabin fever when he has to be in the house too many days in a row because of cold or bad weather.

Unfortunately, he still has not received citizenship, which we were supposed to have received soon after arriving in the states.  Why?  We're not sure, but we have filled out another form that the government said needed to be done and we've sent in more money.  So hopefully, that will appease the citizenship gurus of our government and they will grant him citizenship.  If not, I don't know where we'll go from here.  But we're not worrying about it and just trusting that it will be granted before we need to head back to the great white north.

Good news:  Arouna has been accepted into First Step in Hot Springs.  First Step is a school for children with special needs.  They provide speech, physical and occupational therapy.  For the last 2 weeks, Arouna has been going to therapies twice a week, but starting March 2nd, he will go Monday thru Friday, 8am-3pm.  He will be in a very specialized classroom where they will work with him on all kinds of skills and he'll be with children his age.  He will ride a bus to and from school each day. This will be a big adjustment to him and to Mommy, as I've been with him every minute almost since September.  But we are very grateful that this is covered for us and we are able to have this service before going back to Quebec.  The therapists and teachers there are excellent and he already gets excited when we drive up in the parking lot.

We're also excited that Arouna has been accepted into a program called Snowdrop.  It's based in England but the billiant neuroscientist that created Snowdrop, has written a program that we have started doing with Arouna at home.  It's a 20 minute series of activities that stimulates the brain and has had tremendous success with children around the world with brain injuries.  It consists of simple activities that parents can do and has more success the more the repetition of it. Thank you Andrew and Snowdrop for this wonderful opportunity.

We feel very blessed with all the opportunities that Arouna has offered to him.  When we adopted him, we didn't know what might or might not be covered by insurance, government funding, etc.  It really was a step of faith and we knew that even if he didn't have anything available to him, at least he would have a family and enough to eat.  But God has done so much more than we expected and hoped for.  We know that when we move again in a few months that we'll have to reestablish things in Quebec, but we also know that God is faithful and He has a plan for there too.

Thanks to everyone who reads this and have had an interest in our family and adoption story.  We've appreciated your support and encouragement through some extremely stressful times.  I'll continue to write occasionally as things come up.  

The best and worst Christmas, all in one

This was the Christmas we had been waiting for over 2 years.  At first we thought it would be in 2012 that we would have Arouna home, then 2013 and so finally it was coming to pass in 2014.  He arrived in September and all the family was going to be together for Christmas and the New Year in Arkansas.  All 7 of us in one place, getting to know Arouna and spending his first Christmas home all together.  I couldn't wait and tried to plan out a few fun activities to do together.  They all arrived on Dec. 21st.  Everyone was eager to meet, hold and play with Arouna.  And Arouna seemed to really love all the attention from his brother and sisters.  It was going perfectly, until...........

I woke up Christmas morning very sick.  I struggled out of bed to open presents with the kids but couldn't even hardly sit up long enough to open a gift.  I couldn't take care of Arouna or anyone else.  I went back to bed as soon as the presents were opened and wasn't able to go to my parents house for Christmas dinner that afternoon.  I spent the next 8-9 days, in and out of bed.  Some days I would think it was on it's way out and I was well, but then it would strike again and be worse.  I was so disappointed that we were all finally together and I couldn't even get out of bed.

But on the positive side, my older kids were able to bond with Arouna in a way that they wouldn't have if I had been well.  They completely took over, feeding him, changing him and his diapers, bathing him, giving him his meds, along with playing with him and loving on him.  I know that it wasn't easy at times, but they cared for him completely when I couldn't.  So this post is to say a big "Thank You" to Zach, Lindsey, Haley and Maleah.  I know that Arouna doesn't show it at this point, but I do believe that he could feel your love.  You made his 1st Christmas at home very special and Dad and I couldn't have done it without you.  I look forward to future Christmas's with all of us together again.  But next year, I'll try to stay well.  :)