No words

I honestly have no idea what to title this blogpost.  It's one that I didn't want to write but feel the need to.  No, there's nothing seriously wrong.  Take that back......there are things that are seriously wrong.  Life is just not fair.  I know, I know, I wasn't just born yesterday, I have realized for a long time that life is not fair and things don't go as we would like them to.  But when they're personal, it takes a lot out of you. So what in the world am I talking about?

Well, my last blogpost talked of our family venturing out on the adoption journey again for another little boy with special needs.  Zeke lives in Haiti and I met him in 2011 on a family mission trip there. I fell in love with him and his roommate, Theo, and came back from Haiti wanting to adopt them both.  Since that time, Theo has passed away, but Zeke is still there and is 6 years old now.  He has severe Cerebral Palsy, as Arouna does.  He has a smile that will light up a room and a sweet personality.

We officially started the process of adopting Zeke at the beginning of this year and we knew that we had to rush.  Haiti has a new law that people can't adopt if they are over 50 and Robert's 51st birthday comes in May.  We were under the impression though that if we rushed everything, we still had enough time.  But in late January, our adoption agency decided there was no way to get everything done that had to be done before Robert's birthday.  There was lots of paperwork and approvals from the government and it was impossible.  The only way that it might be possible was if we were able to get a waiver from the Haitian government extending the time to get the paperwork in.  Robert already had a trip planned to Haiti at the beginning of March, so he decided to go to the minster of adoption in Haiti and try to get a letter.  Knowing that was our last and only chance, we prayed that it would be provided knowing ahead of time that letters such as this are extremely hard to come by.

In March, Robert met with the minister of adoption.  The adoption minister said that they could not give a waiver but that we could get the paperwork in and see what the judge says.  But the law is the law and the judge can do what he wants.  Robert came back from Haiti and we discussed the decision that had to be made.  If it was only paperwork and our time that would be at stake, we would probably be racing to do it at this very moment.  But we would also have to raise $17,000 just to turn in the paperwork and find out IF we could adopt him.  Yes, he is worth that money and more, but with the doors continuing to close on us, we made the difficult decision to stop the process and let it go.

If it was just letting go of adopting from Haiti, it wouldn't be difficult.  I do love Haiti but this is a particular child.  I've held him, sung to him, walked with him, played with him, changed him and loved him for several years.  I promised him and myself if there was any way possible, we would be back for him.  And now I have to let that go.  And it just seems unfair.  Unfair that there are children in the world that have to grow up with no parents, unfair that babies and children die before they ever get a chance to be held, unfair that innocent children have diseases and die early, unfair that people are born in affluent countries and others never have enough to eat, etc.....and the list goes on and on. I don't understand these things.  I never will.  But I do have faith that the God who created each of us, loves each of us so much more than we can understand. He loves orphans and he loves Zeke more than I do. I believe that He cries with us when we are hurting.  He is right there with us.  And though we can't understand, He says in a still small voice to trust Him.  It's hard to trust in the difficult times.  It's easier to ask, "where are you God".  "Why didn't you heal my child?"  "Why do you answer some prayers and don't seem to answer mine?"

  
But again, I hear that voice saying "Trust me."  I can choose to trust or wallow in bitterness.  I can choose to move on and look for other open doors or I can continue to cry at the closed doors.  I can choose to follow Him with my whole heart or I can reject Him.

I CHOOSE TO TRUST.  I CHOOSE TO MOVE ON AND LOOK FOR OPEN DOORS.  I CHOOSE TO FOLLOW HIM.

But I also choose to advocate for a little boy in Haiti and all the special needs kids in Haiti and all over the world until I can't anymore.  So look out Facebook and friends.....I will not stop bringing to mind those that are the least of these.  I PROMISE!

And I promise that the next blogpost will be more positive and an update on Arouna and the family.  :)