Good days and Bad days

About a week ago, I posted Arouna's 2 month home update.  I got some comments back about how well Arouna was doing and how much he's changed.  But I didn't get any comments about the end of the blog post about how much of a transition this has been for Mom.  Then when I looked back over the post, I must not have saved that part, because it wasn't there.  So I'll include that here.

Arouna is doing well and has changed in many ways, as I wrote about.  But in all honesty, not everything is rainbows and roses and so I don't want to paint that picture.  Adoption is difficult whether the child has special needs or is completely healthy.  It is not the way that God intended children to start their life.  He didn't intend for a parent/or parents to abandon, give up, throw away or abuse their children.  But as we all know, life is totally unfair, humans are very selfish, and so adoption has been created to make up for our humanness and selfishness.

My son is no exception to the unfairness of life.  He was left to die in an abandoned house for 3 days after his birth, which could have resulted in his brain injury.  Whether it did or didn't, he along with many other children have to be raised outside his birth country and culture,  in a temperature that he is not used to, by people that are unknown to him.  And all of that brings transitions and adjustments. Not only for him but for the whole family.

And I'm no exception to having to adjust to this new "normal".  After 2 months time, the honeymoon phase has worn off and there are days that are just difficult to get thru.  And I know what you're all thinking.....But Sharon, you are the one who chose this.  You are the one who wanted this and pushed for this.  Didn't you realize there would be days that are difficult and hard?  Well yes, I knew this would be no picnic everyday.  It would be hard in many ways.  I figured it would be hard physically with the total care of a child for years to come.  But I don't think I realized the emotional difficulty that would come with adoption.  The endless worrying of what else could I be doing to help him.  The pain of seeing him experience a seizure and not be able to stop it.  The pain of hearing him cry and not know why and wonder if he'll ever be able to tell me.  The pain of wondering if he even really realizes I'm Mom.

And those are just a few of the emotional struggles that come with my new life.  There is also nights of not much sleep, running thru the grocery store or Wal-mart to accomplish my shopping list before he starts screaming, not being able to exercise certain days because of putting his needs first, etc.  My new "normal" is going to take some time to get used to.  Maybe months, possibly a full year.

And with all this adjustment, transition and struggle.....I really would NOT change a thing.  I don't want to look back. I only want to go forward and look forward to the future.  It may be a little bit more challenging future or a lot more challenging some days, but one that is worth every struggle and hard moment. And sometimes, the thing that gets me thru hard days is the fact that we have a hope that is so much greater than life on this earth.  A life with no more seizures, no more brain injury, and a body that works perfectly well.  With that assurance, we can make it thru the good and the bad days.