A breaking heart......

It's been 2 weeks and 3 days since we left Cap Haitian and arrived back home.  It's hard to explain and write about how special the time there was with the children at COTP.  It's even harder to explain the feeling of leaving them behind knowing that at least one of them will eventually be your own child.

During the time there, Maleah and I spent our time with all the children there.  Our day began around 7:30 each morning(earlier for Maleah because she would go to the baby house as soon as she heard them crying).  And pretty much all day we just hung out with the kids, doing everything that they did in their day.  With 60 kids, although it is very laid back, it can get to be quite tiring.  Especially because there is never a time that you aren't holding at least one child or baby in your arms.  They never get enough attention, so when you put one child down, anothers arms go up for you to pick them up.  It's tiring, but at the same time, for me, energizing.  I absolutely love it.

But my favorite time of all was spent with the special needs children.  I don't know why, but God has given me a very special love for these kids.  There are 6 children at the orphanage that are severe special needs.  Two of them have hydrocephalus and 4 of them have cerebral palsy.  None of these children are able to walk or sit up on their own, so they lay on a mat on the floor all day long.  My mission was to get them out at least once a day, either in the stroller for a walk or just to hold them and talk to them.  Most volunteers that come to the orphanage are a little nervous and don't know what to do with the special needs, so they don't always receive a lot of attention from volunteers.  I don't have that much experience with special needs either, but as I spent more time with them this week, I realized how special they were.  How they love to be held, even if we don't know exactly what to do.  How they love to be talked and sung to, even if they can't understand our language.  How they love to be tickled and played with, just like any child or baby.  They feel, they smile, they laugh, they cry and they know when they're loved, even when their mental development is behind.

My heart breaks for all of the special needs boy(they all happen to be boys).  But their is one little boy in particular that really touched my heart and Roberts and our family.  I'm unable to share anything specific at this point until he is officially matched to us, but I can tell you that he is beautiful.  He has severe cerebral palsy and will probably never walk.  He can't hold his head up, sit up or control his muscles in any way.  He can't say words or even many sounds at this point.  But.............he has the most beautiful smile with 2 big dimples, his face lights up when you talk to him, he listens as you're singing and even seemed to try to sing too with oooohs, he made the funniest faces when I fed him food he didn't like, he laughed at Maleah when she slid down the slide, he would get excited and his body would stiffen when he knew you were taking him outside, he loved watching the children blow bubbles and smiled when they came toward him, and he cried when I laid him in bed that last night and told him goodbye.  My heart breaks for him as it does for all the special needs boys.  They all need to find homes where they can reach their full potential in life.  God has a purpose for each of these little guys and I look forward to the day when they are all matched with a family.

My prayer is that the process for the adoption would go faster than normal in Haiti and our little guy or guys would be home as quickly as possible.  Each day spent in an orphanage/institutional setting makes an impact on all the children, even when the orphanage is excellent as is the case of Children of the Promise in Cap Haitian.  Thank you for praying with us and following us in this process.